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Many things that used to be done in the home by hand are now being done by machines. Does this development bring more advantages or disadvantages? v.3

Many things that used to be done in the home by hand are now being done by machines. Does this development bring more advantages or disadvantages? v. 3
It is true that nowadays several household chores such as washing the dishes and sweeping the floors are being done by machines. While I accept that this has both benefits and drawbacks, I would argue that there are more advantages than disadvantages. On the one hand, there are two major drawbacks when many people are becoming too dependent on technology. Firstly, people relied on the automatic machines might lead to sedentary lifestyle. For example, earlier people used to do all work at home manually, but, at present the rise of machines such as robotic vacuum cleaner allows people cleaning their house without any efforts. Secondly, some machines do not only consume a lot of electricity but also lead to serious health issues. For example, oven with high temperature can both destroys beneficial nutrient such as vitamin C and causes cancer due to heating food process. On the other hand, I support the view of those who believe that the benefits of those products outweigh the disadvantages. First, electronic machines for house chores save plenty of times as gadgets do tasks in lesser time than humans. For example, washing machine can wash clothes faster than manual washing. Additionally, a user can utilize time and complete several tasks at the same time. For example, a person can bake a cake in an oven and wash clothes in a machine simultaneously. Finally, the convenience of being able to use automatic machines in household routines is the effective performance of work. Microwaves, for instance, can both set time and temperature to avoid overcooked or undercooked. In conclusion, I consider that the advantages of these machines outweigh the drawbacks.
It is true that nowadays several household chores such as washing the dishes and sweeping the floors are
being done
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
. While I accept that this has both benefits and drawbacks, I would argue that there are more advantages than disadvantages.

On the one hand, there are two major drawbacks when
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming too dependent on technology.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
relied on the automatic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
might lead to sedentary lifestyle. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, earlier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to do all work at home
manually
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, at present the rise of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
such as robotic vacuum cleaner
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cleaning their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
without any efforts.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
consume
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
electricity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
lead to serious health issues. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, oven with high temperature can both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroys
beneficial nutrient such as vitamin C and causes cancer due to heating food process.

On the other hand
, I support the view of those who believe that the benefits of those products outweigh the disadvantages.
First
, electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
chores save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
as gadgets do tasks in lesser
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
than humans. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, washing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machine
can wash clothes faster than manual washing.
Additionally
, a user can utilize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and complete several tasks at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, a person can bake a cake in an oven and wash clothes in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machine
simultaneously
.
Finally
, the convenience of being able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
automatic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
in household routines is the effective performance of work. Microwaves,
for instance
, can both set
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and temperature to avoid overcooked or
Possible spelling mistake found.
undercooked
.

In conclusion
, I consider that the advantages of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
outweigh the drawbacks.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Many things that used to be done in the home by hand are now being done by machines. Does this development bring more advantages or disadvantages? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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