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Many things that used to be done in the home by hand are now being done by machines. Does this development bring more advantages or disadvantages? v.2

Many things that used to be done in the home by hand are now being done by machines. Does this development bring more advantages or disadvantages? v. 2
Nowadays, a plethora of works in the home is doing by machines rather than doing manually in the past. This essay will discuss, why, it is a positive development. First of all, in today's world, people do not have adequate time for their personal issues because, everyone is striving to live in this world of cutthroat competition. Meanwhile, they do not have enough time for cooking foods, washing their clothes etc. Technological innovations really help the modern people with the invention of amenities such as washing machine, mixer grinder etc. It is surely a boon for the working class in order to do their daily activities with ease and little time. Secondly, some jobs require a lot of power. In other words, jobs such as grinding requires a lot of manpower, if we do manually. As a result, the health of the person may easily deteriorate and this leads to various other diseases. Moreover, they may be a chance of getting injured. On the other hand, operating this machine predispose to high energy cost. In detail, all the machines operate with electricity and they consume a high level of current that leads to mammoth energy charges. This could adversely affect the family budget of a common man. In conclusion, despite the high electricity cost, it is so convenient for people, especially who is working and minimal physical strength required to operate a machine. So it is imperative that, the usage of machines has some deficiencies, but when compared to the benefits, it is negligible. So in this case pros really outweigh its cons.
Nowadays, a plethora of works in the home is doing by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
rather
than doing
manually
in the past. This essay will discuss, why, it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not have adequate time for their personal issues
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, everyone is striving to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in this world of cutthroat competition. Meanwhile, they do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time for cooking foods, washing their clothes etc. Technological innovations
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the modern
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with the invention of amenities such as washing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machine
, mixer grinder etc. It is
surely
a boon for the working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
in order to do their daily activities with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
time.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
jobs require
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
power.
In other words
, jobs such as grinding requires
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
manpower, if we do
manually
.
As a result
, the health of the person may
easily
deteriorate and this leads to various other diseases.
Moreover
, they may be a chance of getting injured.

On the other hand
, operating this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machine
predispose to high energy cost. In detail, all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
operate with
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
electricity and
they consume a high level of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
that leads to mammoth energy charges. This could
adversely
affect the family budget of a common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
.

In conclusion
, despite the high electricity cost, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
convenient for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
especially
who is working and minimal physical strength required to operate a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machine
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it is imperative that, the usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
deficiencies,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
when compared to the benefits, it is negligible.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
in this case
pros
really
outweigh its cons.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Many things that used to be done in the home by hand are now being done by machines. Does this development bring more advantages or disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
263 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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