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Raising the price of the oil will solve the world's environmental problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Raising the price of the oil will solve the world's environmental problems. v. 2
Majority of the world' s natural resources today are coming to its depletion while some people argue that having oil price hike can help resolve damages to flora and fauna, but I believe otherwise. There are so many other factors involve around environmental issues the globe is facing right now. One of the culprits taking tremendous effect to the environment is the people' s activities. The improper waste disposal in every household, schools, hospitals and business centers contribute significantly to the condition of mother nature. Moreover, the burning of chemicals such as carbon-containing compounds builds up in the air and can cause thinning of the ozone layer. These illustrates that increasing the price of the oil would not directly answer the problems on the environment, yet other solutions have been working out to address this. Apart from this is that wealthy individuals might still avail fuel products no matter how high the price it could get. Not to mention the fact that these deep-pocketed humans own countless of businesses making profit to afford whatever the cost for their endless operations. As a result, the use of machines and other equipment pertinent for production is inevitable, basing it on the utilization of fuel in order for these machines to operate. Currently, every nation is experiencing oil price increase basically because of high demand, however the supply is limited. Despite the fact that the cost of energy resources is constantly changing and unfortunately gearing upwards, the environmental adversities is still evident. This holds true in the existence of global warming as an example. Taking everything into account, one should not rely upon a single argument for the damage to the environment without considering the other factors affecting it. Counteracting the ecosystem' s degradation cannot be relieved upon raising oil prices based on the above-mentioned reasons. It will all be dependent upon the people who are consuming its resources yet, one must take an action for its rehabilitation, This is to bring back its lost grandeur and beauty that at the end of the process, benefits essentially to mankind.
Majority of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
world&
#039; s natural resources
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are coming to its depletion while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
hike can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
resolve damages to flora and fauna,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe
otherwise
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors involve around environmental issues the globe is facing right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

One of the culprits taking tremendous effect to the environment is the
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s activities. The improper waste disposal in every household, schools, hospitals and business centers contribute
significantly
to the condition of mother nature.
Moreover
, the burning of chemicals such as carbon-containing compounds builds up in the air and can cause thinning of the ozone layer.
The verb 'illustrates' is singular. Did you mean: "This illustrates" or "These illustrate"?
These illustrates
that increasing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
would not
directly
answer the problems on the environment,
yet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
solutions have been working out to address this.

Apart from this is that wealthy individuals might
still
avail fuel products no matter how high the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
it could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
. Not to mention the fact that these deep-pocketed humans
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
Do not use "of" after "countless". Did you mean "countless businesses"?
countless of businesses
making profit to afford whatever the cost for their endless operations.
As a result
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of machines and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
equipment pertinent for production is inevitable, basing it on the utilization of fuel in order for these machines to operate.

Currently
, every nation is experiencing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
increase
basically
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of high demand,
however
the supply
is limited
. Despite the fact that the cost of energy resources is
constantly
changing and unfortunately gearing upwards, the environmental adversities is
still
evident. This holds true in the existence of global warming as an example.

Taking everything into account, one should not rely upon a single argument for the damage to the environment without considering the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors affecting it. Counteracting the
Possible spelling mistake found.
ecosystem&
#039; s degradation cannot
be relieved
upon raising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prices
based on the above-mentioned reasons. It will all be dependent upon the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are consuming its resources
yet
, one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take an action for its rehabilitation, This is to bring back its lost grandeur and beauty that at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the process, benefits
essentially
to mankind.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Raising the price of the oil will solve the world's environmental problems. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
346 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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