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In order to find a good job, people should have a university degree. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

In order to find a good job, people should have a university degree. v. 2
In today' s modern world, it is often claimed by the vast majority of the population that a university degree is essential for a well paid and pleasurable job. Personally, I partially agree with this statement because high salary and enjoyment can be found in occupation with or without a university degree. To begin, it is undeniable that higher educational knowledge can provide to employees like doctors and nurses good jobs after their graduation. To explain that, the extremely demanding training that they get, makes them shape their skills, hence, they learn efficiently and in a correct way every aspect of their job. In addition, the experience throughout the years and further competencies can guarantee a huge salary and of course the sense of fulfillment in their working lives. Thus, a university degree and all the process in order to get could lead them in good jobs. On the other hand, there are numerous occupations that do not require a degree, although workers on them can have great salaries and enjoyment. Great examples are the radiographers in the hospitals as well as barista/bartenders. To explain that, without any qualification and only six months of training, the occupation of a radiographer can provide a huge wage to anyone. Furthermore, many famous bartenders earn a lot of money by making cocktails without any kind of academic knowledge. Thus, the absence of a university degree does not mean that can have only low incomes and/or unsatisfactory jobs. To recapitulate, my perspective of this issue is that having a university degree can lead to highly profitable and euphoric jobs, however people without high standard qualifications can find them
In
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s modern world, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
claimed by the vast majority of the population that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
is essential for a well paid and pleasurable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
Personally
, I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
high salary and enjoyment can
be found
in occupation with or without a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
degree.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, it is undeniable that higher educational knowledge can provide to employees like doctors and nurses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
after their graduation. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
that, the
extremely
demanding training that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them shape their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
,
hence
, they learn
efficiently
and
Consider replacing "in a correct way" with the adverb for "correct"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a correct way
every aspect of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
In addition
, the experience throughout the years and
further
competencies can guarantee a huge salary and
of course
the sense of fulfillment in their working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Thus
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
and all the process in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
could lead them in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
jobs.

On the other hand
, there are numerous occupations that do not require a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
, although workers on them can have great salaries and enjoyment. Great examples are the radiographers in the hospitals
as well
as barista/bartenders. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
that, without any qualification and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
six months of training, the occupation of a radiographer can provide a huge wage to anyone.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
bartenders earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money by making cocktails without any kind of academic knowledge.
Thus
, the absence of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
does not mean that can have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
low incomes and/or unsatisfactory jobs.

To recapitulate, my perspective of this issue is that having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
can lead to
highly
profitable and euphoric
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
,
however
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
without high standard qualifications can find them
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In order to find a good job, people should have a university degree. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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