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Many students find it difficult to concentrate or pay attention at school. What are the reasons? What could be done? v.2

Many students find it difficult to concentrate or pay attention at school. What are the reasons? What could be done? v. 2
Today many students find it difficult to pay attention in the class. Outdated teaching methods and the distractions caused by technology are the main reasons for this. There are a number of solutions which can be implemented to deal with children who lack attention. Firstly, the most important reason for the lack of concentration at school is the new world of entertainment such as smart phones, video games and social media. Now children spend most of their time at home playing video games and using social networking sites and this affects their life negatively. Therefore, when they are at school they think of these things and their concentration is affected. Secondly, children are now bored with the old technique of teaching. Furthermore, they find it less interesting, so automatically their attention gets distracted. Moreover, this affects their studies and reflects in their result. There are effective solutions for these problems. One way to tackle this is to make classroom teaching more interesting. For example, technological innovations can be used in the classroom. To illustrate, with the help of power point presentations schools can make teaching more interesting. For instance, showing animated images and visual effects will help to get children excited about their lessons. Another method of dealing with children is to focus less on theoretical studies and more on practical studies. For example, if a teacher wants to teach about the manufacturing process of a product, they should consider taking the students to a manufacturing plant. This will help them to learn faster and with interest. In conclusion, using technology and new ways of teaching can help to solve the problem of attention and concentration in children.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students find it difficult to pay attention in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
. Outdated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
methods and the distractions caused by technology are the main reasons for this. There are a number of solutions which can
be implemented
to deal with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who lack attention.

Firstly
, the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reason for the lack of concentration at school is the new world of entertainment such as smart phones, video games and social media.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend most of their time at home playing video games and using social networking sites and this affects their
Did you mean "lives"?
life
negatively
.
Therefore
, when they are at school they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of these things and their concentration is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
bored with the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
technique of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
.
Furthermore
, they find it less interesting,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
automatically
their attention
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
distracted.
Moreover
, this affects their studies and reflects in their result.

There are effective solutions for these problems. One way to tackle this is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
classroom
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
more interesting.
For example
, technological innovations can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in the classroom. To illustrate, with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
of
Did you mean "PowerPoint" (= Microsoft presentation software)?
power point
presentations schools can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
more interesting.
For instance
, showing animated images and visual effects will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
excited about their lessons.

Another method of dealing with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is to focus less on theoretical studies and more on practical studies.
For example
, if a teacher wants to teach about the manufacturing process of a product, they should consider taking the students to a manufacturing plant. This will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to learn faster and with interest.

In conclusion
, using technology and new ways of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to solve the problem of attention and concentration in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Many students find it difficult to concentrate or pay attention at school. What are the reasons? What could be done? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
278 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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