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Many species of animals and plants are in danger of becoming extinct. What are the causes of this problem, and what can be done to prevent it from happening? v.1

Many species of animals and plants are in danger of becoming extinct. What are the causes of this problem, and what can be done to prevent it from happening? v. 1
It is true that human activities during recent decades have led to extinction of tremendous wildlife species such as plants and animals. While there are various possible reasons that have led to accelerate this trend, there are several solutions that can be taken steps to tackle this problem. In order to find out effective solutions to this problem, it is necessary to understand some of human activities which have led to this issue. Firstly, the most important factor is deforestation. If forests are destructed due to several purposes, animals and plants will lose their habitats. Therefore, animals cannot survive and adapt themselves with new situation and plants cannot grow anywhere else. Secondly, human activities have resulted in air pollution. Consequently, air pollution has led to several problems such as global warming that influences animals and plants habitats adversely. For example, global warming has resulted in the melting of the glaciers which are the main habitat of polar bears. In addition, emission of harmful fumes due to industrial activities that has resulted in the extinction of several plants. However, there are several solutions which can be addressed to reduce the pace of this trend. To begin, governments should impose high fines on the companies that destructing forests to prepare wood for commercial purposes. In addition, there should be severe surveillance on illegal deforestation activities to prevent destroying wildlife species. Furthermore, governments have to cooperate with other international associations to control negative factors which increase pace of global warming phenomenon. For example, there should be high taxes to the industrial factories which are polluting air through emission of harmful fumes such as CO2. In conclusion, although human activities have resulted in extinction of tremendous animals and plants, there are still some opportunities in which human beings can reverse the negative impacts that have led to this matter.
It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
during recent decades have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
led
to extinction of tremendous wildlife species such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plants
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. While there are various possible reasons that have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
led
to accelerate this trend, there are several solutions that can
be taken
steps to tackle this problem.

In order to find out effective solutions to this problem, it is necessary to understand
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
which have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
led
to this issue.
Firstly
, the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor is deforestation. If forests
are destructed
due to several purposes,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plants
will lose their habitats.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
cannot survive and adapt themselves with new situation and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plants
cannot grow anywhere else.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
resulted
in air pollution.
Consequently
, air pollution has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
led
to several problems such as global warming that influences
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plants
habitats
adversely
.
For example
, global warming has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
resulted
in the melting of the glaciers which are the main habitat of polar bears.
In addition
, emission of harmful fumes due to industrial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
that has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
resulted
in the extinction of several plants.

However
, there are several solutions which can
be addressed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the pace of this trend. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should impose high fines on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
that destructing forests to prepare wood for commercial purposes.
In addition
, there should be severe surveillance on illegal deforestation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
destroying wildlife species.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
cooperate with other international associations to control
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
factors which increase pace of global warming phenomenon.
For example
, there should be high taxes to the industrial factories which are polluting air through emission of harmful fumes such as CO2.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
resulted
in extinction of tremendous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plants
, there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
opportunities in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings can reverse the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts that have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
led
to this matter.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay Many species of animals and plants are in danger of becoming extinct. What are the causes of this problem, and what can be done to prevent it from happening? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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