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Many animals are becoming extinct because of human activities. Why is this happening and what should be done to prevent this? v.2

Many animals are becoming extinct because of human activities. Why is this happening and what should be done to prevent this? v. 2
It is certainly true that wildlife population has increased dramatically over the past few decades. There are several reasons why this issue has arisen and various measures can be taken by humans to improve the situation. This essay will discuss the root causes of wild animal extinction and will suggest some solutions to prevent related problems from occurring. The constant extinction of wildlife is caused by a number of factors. The main explanation is that poach is still existed and there is no full ban on it through the all countries. Not only is this dangerous for entire world ecosystem, but also it has a large impact on human being itself. Another reason why the situation has deteriorated is ever-growing amount of wastes produced by people. In addition, some types of wastes, especially plastic bags and bottles are cannot be recycled by nature anyway. However the problem can be solved. The best way to reduce the level of illegal hunting would be to set the full ban on poaching and to implement the “zero-tolerance” policy on this subject. For instance, this policy was successfully used among Europe countries, and hence, saved European wild pigs from extinction. Likewise, reasonable regulations on wastes should become a compulsory requirement and crucial point of every country’s legal system to lower the impact wastes have on animals. It is imperative that strict punishment should be set for crimes against environment. In conclusion, my opinion is that animals become extinct because of poaching and due to the poor policies on wastes. After analyzing the subject, it has become quite evident that the best approach to tackle the above-mentioned problems is to ban illegal hunting. At the same time, we need to improve insufficient waste management, especially in countries with weak legal system. Although the issue is unlikely to be entirely eliminated in short term, these are concrete steps which can be taken to reduce the effects they are having on animal life.
It is
certainly
true that wildlife population has increased
dramatically
over the past few decades. There are several reasons why this issue has arisen and various measures can
be taken
by humans to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the situation. This essay will discuss the root causes of wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
extinction and will suggest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
related problems from occurring.

The constant extinction of wildlife
is caused
by a number of factors. The main explanation is that poach is
still
existed and there is no full ban on it through the all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
is this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for entire world ecosystem,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it has a large impact on human being itself. Another reason why the situation has deteriorated is ever-growing amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wastes
produced by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wastes
,
especially
plastic bags and bottles are cannot
be recycled
by nature anyway.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
the problem can
be solved
. The best way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the level of illegal hunting would be to set the full ban on poaching and to implement the “zero-tolerance” policy on this subject.
For instance
, this policy was
successfully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
among Europe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, and
hence
, saved European wild pigs from extinction.
Likewise
, reasonable regulations on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wastes
should become a compulsory requirement and crucial point of every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
legal system to lower the impact
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wastes
have on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. It is imperative that strict punishment should
be set
for crimes against environment.

In conclusion
, my opinion is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
become extinct
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of poaching and due to the poor policies on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wastes
.
After analyzing the subject
, it has become quite evident that the best approach to tackle the above-mentioned problems is to ban illegal hunting. At the same time, we need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
insufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
management,
especially
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
with weak legal system. Although the issue is unlikely to be
entirely
eliminated in short term, these are concrete steps which can
be taken
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the effects they are having on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
life.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Many animals are becoming extinct because of human activities. Why is this happening and what should be done to prevent this? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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