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Some employers of er their employees subsidised membership of gyms and sports clubs, believing that this will make their staf healthier and thus more ef ective at work. Other employerssee no benefit in doing so. Consider the arguments from both aspects of t v.1

Some employers of er their employees subsidised membership of gyms and sports clubs, believing that this will make their staf healthier and thus more ef ective at work. Other employerssee no benefit in doing so. Consider the arguments from both aspects of t v. 1
Nowadays, shopping has become a very common trend and it is a positive change as this gives a sense of satisfaction and self-reliance to people. The increasing tendency of people going to shopping has many positive effects as they may feel pleasure and a sense of satisfaction. The shopping gives them the feeling that the money, they have earned via serious hard work is not going wasted, instead they are spending it for themselves. For example, a common observation is people are not much delighted when wearing a new dress compared to when purchasing it. Moreover, it gives them a sense of independence, which probably is the best feeling in the world. They feel that they can fulfil most of the requirements of their life. Hence shopping has been a very positive development over the years. The increased trend of shopping may have some negative impacts as well. It has been observed that some people while shopping get too much excited and spend beyond their budget. Since, the majority of people are making payments via credit card so actually they may not judge, that they are crossing the lines of saving. They realize about it when they reach home and then rest of the month is spent with difficulty. However, this tendency can be curbed either by strictly paying cash while shopping or having limits on credit card transaction from the bank. In conclusion, increase in shopping has been a very positive development with minor drawbacks which can easily be controlled if adequate measures are taken
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has become a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common trend and it is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
as this gives a sense of satisfaction and self-reliance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

The increasing tendency of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
effects as they may feel pleasure and a sense of satisfaction. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
gives them the feeling that the money, they have earned via serious
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work is not going wasted,
instead
they are
The usual prepositions that follow 'spend it' are either "on" or 'in'. Did you mean "spend it on"?
spending it for
themselves.
For example
, a common observation is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not much delighted when wearing a new dress compared to when purchasing it.
Moreover
, it gives them a sense of independence, which
probably
is the best feeling in the world. They feel that they can fulfil most of the requirements of their life.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has been a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
development over the years.

The increased trend of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts
as well
. It has
been observed
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
too much excited and spend beyond their budget. Since, the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are making payments via credit card
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
actually they may not judge, that they are crossing the lines of saving. They realize about it when they reach home and then rest of the month
is spent
with difficulty.
However
, this tendency can
be curbed
either by
strictly
paying cash while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
or having limits on credit card transaction from the bank.

In conclusion
, increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has been a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
development with minor drawbacks which can
easily
be controlled
if adequate measures
are taken
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some employers of er their employees subsidised membership of gyms and sports clubs, believing that this will make their staf healthier and thus more ef ective at work. Other employerssee no benefit in doing so. Consider the arguments from both aspects of t v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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