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Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages? v.20

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages? v. 20
In the contemporary world, the people’s life has been certainly revolutionized. However, this will be demanding more working commitments, having a little time for the relaxation. This will deliver many predicaments to an individual which affects personal life and their health. The essay will discuss many demerits compared to the few merits, which are described in the below paragraphs. To begin with, there are manifold demerits are there. The predominant demerit is about the person having a less time to relax will give a stressful life. This will be generated by a continuous work pressure and less time to take a rest. Moreover, nowadays, most of the people are taking a junk food in their meal. Although, this type of food will contain more calories and their sedentary lifestyle, this all will generate the health issues such as blood pressure and sugar problems. This all will be maintained by doing exercise and taking part in the sports activities, as a person would not able to do this having longer working hours. For example, most of the youngsters are suffering from the obesity. On the other hand, there are few merits of having less vacant hours. The first one is that people can utilize their time in learning of new skills. These skills can help them in later life. Furthermore, another merit is that people can achieve their goals by working for the longest times. This will help to earn money as well, which increase their self-esteem. For instance, most of the people in the recent times are living the good life as having money, which resulted from their hard work and not wasting in the other activity. In conclusion, as per my opinion, there are many disadvantages compared to the advantages of the few vacant hours. Due to this an individual’s personal relationship with their loved ones and health would be suffered which is the result of the modernized life.
In the contemporary world, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
has been
certainly
revolutionized.
However
, this will be demanding more working commitments,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for the relaxation. This will deliver
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
predicaments to an individual which affects personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and their health. The essay will discuss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
demerits compared to the few merits, which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
described
in the below paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are manifold demerits are there. The predominant demerit is about the person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to relax will give a stressful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. This will
be generated
by a continuous work pressure and less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to take a rest.
Moreover
, nowadays, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are taking a junk food in their meal. Although, this type of food will contain more calories and their sedentary lifestyle, this all will generate the health issues such as blood pressure and sugar problems. This all will
be maintained
by doing exercise and taking part in the sports activities, as a person would not able to do this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
longer working hours.
For example
, most of the youngsters are suffering from the obesity.

On the other hand
, there are few merits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
less vacant hours. The
first
one is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can utilize their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in learning of new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in later
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Furthermore
, another merit is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can achieve their goals by working for the longest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to earn money
as well
, which increase their self-esteem.
For instance
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
are living the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
money, which resulted from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and not wasting in the other activity.

In conclusion
, as per my opinion, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disadvantages compared to the advantages of the few vacant hours. Due to this an individual’s personal relationship with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones and health would
be suffered
which is the result of the modernized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages? v. 20

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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