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Many schools face severe problems with student behaviour and day by day this is getting even worse. What do you think are the reasons for this problem? What can be done to solve it? v.1

Many schools face severe problems with student behaviour and day by day this is getting even worse. What do you think are the reasons for this problem? What can be done to solve it? v. 1
In most countries, lack of proper student behaviour is causing us some severe problems. Mainly this type of anarchy will only occur where lack of support, camaraderie and attention exist. To start with, in today's world, most parents are busy with their jobs or businesses. Most probably they do not have enough time to spend with their children. Furthermore, they become unable to provide good manner and habits to their offspring. Thus, children get attracted to television and computer, where both good and nasty things are shown. Even in this case, their parents are not around them to provide some parental guidance about conscience. So as a consequence, children may end up watching everything which is broadcasted over the television. Another reason for such chaotic behaviour among students is, lack of training between teachers dealing with children from diverse backgrounds. In the same phase, the way teacher reacts aggressively to student's flaws which may light a dark spark in them to become a rebel in future In order to cope with these negative repercussions, government, schools and parents need to join collaboratively. Firstly, despite the intense and severe load of work, parents need to take some time from their hectic schedule to accompany their children. Secondly, no matter what a student must be either at home or in school. Teachers should be more responsible for students and keep them under critical scrutiny for the purpose of their well-being. It is significant for a teacher to be in touch with the parents to keep them on the right track. Thirdly, governments have to work out a strategy to keep young and immature students out from inapt issues. In conclusion, I would maintain that there are both reasons and solutions with which we can solve the problem of aggravated student's behaviour. In my opinion, I strongly believe that each individual or community should take their duty more seriously to nullify this phenomenon.
In most countries, lack of proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
is causing us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
severe problems.
Mainly
this type of anarchy will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
occur where lack of support, camaraderie and attention exist.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are busy with their jobs or businesses. Most
probably
they do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to spend with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Furthermore
, they become unable to provide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
manner and habits to their offspring.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
attracted to television and computer, where both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and nasty things
are shown
. Even
in this case
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are not around them to provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parental guidance about conscience.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
as a consequence,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up watching everything which
is broadcasted
over the television. Another reason for such chaotic
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
is, lack of training between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
dealing with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from diverse backgrounds. In the same phase, the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
reacts
aggressively
to student's flaws which may light a dark spark in them to become a rebel in
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
future


In order to cope with these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
repercussions,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, schools and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
collaboratively
.
Firstly
, despite the intense and severe load of work,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
need to take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time from their hectic schedule to accompany their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Secondly
, no matter what a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be either at home or in school.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Teachers
should be more responsible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them under critical scrutiny for the purpose of their well-being. It is significant for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
to be in touch with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them on the right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
.
Thirdly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work out a strategy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
young and immature
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
out from inapt issues.

In conclusion
, I would maintain that there are both reasons and solutions with which we can solve the problem of aggravated student's
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. In my opinion, I
strongly
believe that each individual or community should take their duty more
seriously
to nullify this phenomenon.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Many schools face severe problems with student behaviour and day by day this is getting even worse. What do you think are the reasons for this problem? What can be done to solve it? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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