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Behaviour in schools is getting worse. Explain the causes and effects of this problem, and suggest some possible solutions. v.1

Behaviour in schools is getting worse. Explain the causes and effects of this problem, and suggest some possible solutions. v. 1
Following the day-today news via the TV or newspapers is a major part of a mature person's life. However, researchers have shown that a significantly lower number of youngsters are interested in this aspect. This essay will discuss the reasons behind that and the methods to avoid this situation. To begin with, numerous papers and news channels today is biased and majorly report the political contents. Most of the young people do not like to involve in messy politics they are more concern about their future and employment options. Current news people hardly ever give on air time regarding those areas. In addition, widespread of the internet allow young generation to get their information on online websites. Evidently, least number of adolescents show interest about conventional news methods. News channels and papers must identify innovative methods to capture the attention of this part of the society. Firstly, they should identify the areas that youngsters' interest about such as travelling and add more news about those areas. Moreover, publishing the newspapers online is a great option to win the popularity among them. News channels also can upload their news telecast on a website such as YouTube. Following these steps would help to win the attention for young generation and to follow the recent activities around the world. In conclusion, young people today show little or no interest towards conventional news reporting methods due to the political biased reporting and lack of general news in the content. Also, youngsters today more like to do spend the time on the internet rather than reading a newspaper or waiting in front of a TV. Therefore, news reporters must find new measures to win this audience.
Following the day-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
via the TV or newspapers is a major part of a mature person's life.
However
, researchers have shown that a
significantly
lower number of youngsters
are interested
in this aspect. This essay will discuss the reasons behind that and the methods to avoid this situation.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, numerous papers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
channels
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
is biased
and
majorly
report the political contents. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not like to involve in messy politics they are more concern about their future and employment options.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
hardly ever give on air time regarding those areas.
In addition
, widespread of the internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their information on online websites.
Evidently
,
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
number of adolescents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
interest about conventional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
methods.

News channels and papers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
identify innovative methods to capture the attention of this part of the society.
Firstly
, they should identify the areas that youngsters' interest about such as travelling and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
about those areas.
Moreover
, publishing the newspapers online is a great option to win the popularity among them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
News
channels
also
can upload their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
telecast on a website such as YouTube. Following these steps would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to win the attention for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation and to follow the recent activities around the world.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
or no interest towards conventional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
reporting methods due to the political biased reporting and lack of general
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
in the content.
Also
, youngsters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
more like to do spend the time on the internet
rather
than reading a newspaper or waiting in front of a TV.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
reporters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
measures to win this audience.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Behaviour in schools is getting worse. Explain the causes and effects of this problem, and suggest some possible solutions. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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