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Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages? v.9

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages? v. 9
It is essential for every individual to perform the daily tasks. However, a lot of people keep themselves so busy at work that they could not enjoy their life completely. I believe that working for long hours has a greater number of drawbacks than benefits and will discuss about them in the below paragraphs. Nowadays, in order to earn more money, people are getting more and more workaholics which has become a major cause behind the increasing health implications among them. As there is an ample mount of pressure at work on employees and this affects the bodies physically as well as mentally. People are suffering from depression and anxieties due to this deteriorating schedule. Therefore, some sort of leisure activities should be added to the routine so as to relax the minds and to feel refreshed. Another thing is that these persons spend lesser time with their families which could damage relationships. Though, consuming longer duration in jobs has numerous disadvantages, yet there are also a few advantages of this thing. First of all, one can gain a hefty amount of money by working more which would make him/her to raise the standards of living. Second of all, the individuals who always dedicate themselves in accomplishing their duties, mostly reaches the top. They do not pay heed to the petty issues in which other folks waste their precious time. Consequently, it can be said that being industrious is fine certain times. To summarize, I say that spending most of the day hours at work with no relaxation timings has led to various negative consequences, especially on the human body. According to me, a person works to fulfil the basic amenities of life, but he/she should not ignore other critical elements of our lives and live life to the fullest.
It is essential for every individual to perform the daily tasks.
However
,
a lot of
people
keep
themselves
so
busy at
work
that they could not enjoy their life completely. I believe that working for long hours has a greater number of drawbacks than benefits and will
discuss about them
in the below paragraphs.

Nowadays, in order to earn more money,
people
are getting more and more workaholics which has become a major cause behind the increasing health implications among them. As there is an ample mount of pressure at
work
on employees and this affects the bodies
physically
as well
as mentally.
People
are suffering from depression and anxieties due to this deteriorating schedule.
Therefore
,
some
sort of leisure activities should be
added
to the routine
so as to
relax the minds and to feel refreshed. Another thing is that these persons spend lesser time with their families which could damage relationships.

Though, consuming longer duration in jobs has numerous disadvantages,
yet
there are
also
a few advantages of this thing.
First of all
, one can gain a hefty amount of money by working more which would
make
him/her to raise the standards of living. Second of all, the individuals who always dedicate themselves in accomplishing their duties,
mostly
reaches the top. They do not pay heed to the petty issues in which other folks waste their precious time.
Consequently
, it can
be said
that being industrious is fine certain times.

To summarize
, I say that spending most of the day hours at
work
with no relaxation timings has led to various
negative
consequences,
especially
on the human body.
According to me
, a person works to fulfil the basic amenities of life,
but
he/she should not
ignore
other critical elements of our
lives
and
live
life to the fullest.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages? v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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