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Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages? v.17

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages? v. 17
There is no doubt that the role of investing long working hours is a debatable question. Therefore, a myriad of work enthusiasts spend the majority of their time with work and tend not to spare any free hours for their luxury. This essay will state some difficulties, which have been produced from this approach, and highlight pertinent examples accordingly. One concern is that ardent public and private employees often remain productive throughout their career, though they might have not excelled much as they expect to be, especially in terms of promotion, incentives, and bonuses. This partly occurs because a human brain, which is not under pressure, generates a better result usually when it keeps engaged with activities other than work. To give an illustrative example, many billionaires, such as Bill Gates, Warren Buffet, and so on still manage time to be with their families and to read books. In addition, job-related stress and anxiety puts individuals to possess many health complications that might be detrimental to one's career. Another demerit is that serious staffs often seem to be forgetful not only about their social life, but also about their social network in order to enable a career progression. However, as these people concentrate their free time on the official task rather than any leisure activities, families and friends start distancing themselves, despite being honest and loyal. For instance, a few children cannot bond with their working parents, because of the workaholic behaviour. As a result, a number of internal challenges would grow between family members and an employee and it may gear towards a divorce for a couple sometimes. In conclusion, workers are often regarded as sufferers because they focus heavily on their career trajectory and limit themselves from any kind of social activity, whereas top notch executives spend a quality leisure time.
There is no doubt that the role of investing long working hours is a debatable question.
Therefore
, a myriad of work enthusiasts spend the majority of their
time
with work and tend not to spare any free hours for their luxury. This essay will state
some
difficulties, which have
been produced
from this approach, and highlight pertinent examples
accordingly
.

One concern is that ardent public and private employees
often
remain productive throughout their career, though they might have not excelled much as they
expect
to be,
especially
in terms of promotion, incentives, and bonuses. This partly occurs
because
a human brain, which is not under pressure, generates a better result
usually
when it
keeps
engaged with activities other than work. To give an illustrative example,
many
billionaires, such as Bill Gates, Warren Buffet, and
so
on
still
manage
time
to be with their families and to read books.
In addition
, job-related
stress
and anxiety puts individuals to possess
many
health complications that might be detrimental to one's career.

Another demerit is that serious staffs
often
seem to be forgetful not
only
about their social life,
but
also
about their social network in order to enable a career progression.
However
, as these
people
concentrate their free
time
on the official task
rather
than any leisure activities, families and friends
start
distancing themselves, despite being honest and loyal.
For instance
, a few children cannot bond with their working parents,
because
of the workaholic
behaviour
.
As a result
, a number of internal challenges would grow between family members and an employee and it may gear towards a divorce for a couple
sometimes
.

In conclusion
, workers are
often
regarded as sufferers
because
they focus
heavily
on their career trajectory and limit themselves from any kind of social activity, whereas
top notch
executives spend a quality leisure
time
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages? v. 17

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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