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In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students. Do you think this is a good idea? Support your opinion by using specific reasons and details. v.2

In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students. Do you think this is a good idea? Support your opinion by using specific reasons and details. v. 2
Admittedly, public libraries are of at most important for people of all age groups across the globe. However, due to advancements in modern ebooks and study material, a certain section of people believes that they are no longer significant to the society. While, I strongly disagree with this notion and same will be discussed in the subsequent paragraphs. To begin with, the fact that libraries are quite relevant for those readers who want to study the books for once only. Many students consider books for one time usage. Also nowadays, many students find libraries, a great source of knowledgeable material to accomplish assignments and projects. Buying diverse books for different projects would be great hustle to them. Higher studies pupil, for instance, execute researches, while sitting in public libraries and save their time and efforts as these provide catalogue materials to them. Thus, a library is a desirable place for many readers and knowledge seekers. Another benefit that local libraries provide to the common people is that it consists of distinguished books and journals which covers authentic information and databases which, ebooks are inefficient to provide. Additionally, all sorts of analysed data related to any topic around the world can be easily approachable under one roof in the libraries. Likewise, a grocery store where we can find items on different shelves labelling with the name on them. Mahatma Gandhi library to exemplify, located in Mumbai, India provides almost all the information that exists in the world to the individuals and much easier than that of finding books online. In the context of the purpose of the libraries, one of it is giving adequate space for older people to spend time there. It can be seen, in some public libraries, that senior citizens often read books, newspapers, novels, holy books and many more. ALso, many people have a hobby of reading good stuff which only libraries can provide with no cost. To illustrate, the economical way of reading books is to take membership of governmental supporting libraries. Henceforth, these are more nominal that purchasing reading stuff on the web. In conclusion, I firmly opine that, however, modernisation has introduced further ways to seek knowledge through diverse websites. But, the authenticity and quality of libraries can never be replaced by any web engine. Public libraries would still be a choice of many people in the near future.
Admittedly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
libraries are of at most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of all age groups across the globe.
However
, due to advancements in modern
Possible spelling mistake found.
ebooks
and study material, a certain section of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believes that they are no longer significant to the society. While, I
strongly
disagree with this notion and same will
be discussed
in the subsequent paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the fact that libraries are quite relevant for those readers who want to study the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
for once
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
students consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
for one time usage.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students find libraries, a great source of knowledgeable material to accomplish assignments and projects. Buying diverse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
projects would be great hustle to them. Higher studies pupil,
for instance
, execute researches, while sitting in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
libraries and save their time and efforts as these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
Possible spelling mistake. 'catalogue' is British English.
catalogue
materials to them.
Thus
, a library is a desirable place for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
readers and knowledge seekers.

Another benefit that local libraries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
to the common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
that it consists of distinguished
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
and journals which covers authentic information and databases which,
Possible spelling mistake found.
ebooks
are inefficient to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
.
Additionally
, all sorts of
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysed' is British English.
analysed
data related to any topic around the world can be
easily
approachable under one roof in the libraries.
Likewise
, a grocery store where we can find items on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
shelves labelling with the name on them. Mahatma Gandhi library to exemplify, located in Mumbai, India
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provides
almost all the information that exists in the world to the individuals and much easier than that of finding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
online.

In the context of the purpose of the libraries, one of it is giving adequate space for older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to spend time there. It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
libraries, that senior citizens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
read
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
, newspapers, novels, holy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more.
Possible spelling mistake found.
ALso
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a hobby of reading
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
stuff which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
libraries can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
with no cost. To illustrate, the economical way of reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
is to take membership of governmental supporting libraries. Henceforth, these are more nominal that purchasing reading stuff on the web.

In conclusion
, I
firmly
opine that,
however
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'modernisation' is British English.
modernisation
has introduced
further
ways to seek knowledge through diverse websites.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, the authenticity and quality of libraries can never
be replaced
by any web engine.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Public
libraries would
still
be a choice of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the near future.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students. Do you think this is a good idea? Support your opinion by using specific reasons and details. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
395 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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