Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages? v.13

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages? v. 13
Nowadays, an increasing number of people are working for long hours and, as a consequence, are having very little leisure time. In my opinion, I believe that this development can bring about more disadvantages to people and societies compared to any advantages it might bring. Admittedly, working for long hours might have some minor benefits. Firstly, people who work all day get immersed in their jobs and gain a lot of knowledge and experience. As a consequence, it can increase their value at their companies since they are seen as experienced and hardworking employees. This makes them feel secure and might even increase their salaries. Secondly, working longer increases productivity in businesses which could improve the economy. For instance, the economy of a country whose citizens are workaholics is more likely to flourish than that of a country with lazy citizens who procrastinate. Nevertheless, despite the aforementioned advantages, working for long hours and having little free time is detrimental to people’s mental and physical health. Individuals who are forced to work longer face high levels of stress, which severely impact their mental health and decrease their job satisfaction. As a result, these people are highly exposed to depression, anxiety, mood disorders, insomnia, and even suicide. Another serious issue is that little free time prevents people from exercising and staying active since they do not have the energy. This exposes people to countless health problems, such as obesity, diabetes, and heart disease, because exercise plays a vital role in maintaining health. In conclusion, suffering from mental and physical health problems is damaging to people and society and, therefore, outweigh any benefits that could result from working longer.
Nowadays, an increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for long hours and, as a consequence, are having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
leisure time. In my opinion, I believe that this development can bring about more disadvantages to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and societies compared to any advantages it might bring.

Admittedly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for long hours might have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
minor benefits.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who work all day
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
immersed in their jobs and gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
knowledge and experience. As a consequence, it can increase their value at their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
since they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as experienced and hardworking employees. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them feel secure and might even increase their salaries.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
longer increases productivity in businesses which could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the economy.
For instance
, the economy of a country whose citizens are workaholics is more likely to flourish than that of a country with lazy citizens who procrastinate.

Nevertheless
, despite the aforementioned advantages,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for long hours and having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
free time is detrimental to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
mental and physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. Individuals who
are forced
to work longer face high levels of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, which
severely
impact their mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and decrease their job satisfaction.
As a result
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
highly
exposed to depression, anxiety, mood disorders, insomnia, and even suicide. Another serious issue is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
free time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from exercising and staying active since they do not have the energy.
Did you mean "these"?
This
exposes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to countless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems, such as obesity, diabetes, and heart disease,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
exercise plays a vital role in maintaining health.

In conclusion
, suffering from mental and physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems is damaging to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and society and,
therefore
, outweigh any benefits that could result from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
longer.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages? v. 13

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts