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Many people work long hours, leaving little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages? v.1

Many people work long hours, leaving little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages? v. 1
Nowadays, most people usually work overtime, thus they have negligible time for entertainment. Although, the obvious positive aspect of this trend is that they can earn handsome amount of money, which is overshadowed by the negative consequences in terms of bad health and not being able to look after family properly. Admittedly, working more hours than normal at the office has the advantage in monetary terms. This is to say that if someone works extra hours at work, can get rewards in the form of a high salary and overtime payment. Due to the economic crisis, companies have established the overtime policies for employees, as a result, these lucrative incentives attract individuals to work more and earn additional cash. For instance, in the UK most working persons prefer to work additional hours to earn extra money for their families. On the other hand, there are few evident drawbacks of working more than normal hours. Firstly, by working supplementary hours can make people obese. This is because sedentary working style and without finding enough time for exercise can certainly make people overweight. Which can cause different diseases, such as high cholesterol and heart attacks. Furthermore, working overtime can result in families being overlooked. This can happen as people spend more time at the workplace, they cannot give proper time to their loved ones. Such ignorance of the family can bring in some serious repercussions, in terms of erosion of family bonding. For example, the divorce rate is very high among the working class, which interpreted by a university, happening due to lack of time for each other. To conclude, people like to work extra hours, as a consequence they have to sacrifice their spare time activities. Although, this has an advantage of earning higher pay, which is outnumbered by disadvantages, such as health issues and family disturbance.
Nowadays, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
usually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
overtime,
thus
they have negligible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for entertainment. Although, the obvious
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspect of this trend is that they can earn handsome amount of money, which
is overshadowed
by the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences in terms of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
health and not being able to look after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
properly
.

Admittedly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
than normal at the office has the advantage in monetary terms. This is to say that if someone works extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rewards in the form of a high salary and overtime payment. Due to the economic crisis,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
have established the overtime policies for employees,
as a result
, these lucrative incentives attract individuals to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
more and earn additional cash.
For instance
, in the UK most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
persons prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
additional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
to earn extra money for their families.

On the other hand
, there are few evident drawbacks of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
more than normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
.
Firstly
, by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
supplementary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
obese. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
sedentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
style and without finding
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for exercise can
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
overweight. Which can cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
diseases, such as high cholesterol and heart attacks.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
overtime can result in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
being overlooked
. This can happen as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at the workplace, they cannot give proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones. Such ignorance of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
can bring in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious repercussions, in terms of erosion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
bonding.
For example
, the divorce rate is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, which interpreted by a university, happening due to lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for each other.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
, as a consequence they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
sacrifice their spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
activities. Although, this has an advantage of earning higher pay, which
is outnumbered
by disadvantages, such as health issues and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
disturbance.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people work long hours, leaving little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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