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Some people believe that teaching music in schools is a vital part of growing up and the human experience, whilst others believe that teaching music in schools is a waste of time and resources. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.3

Some people believe that teaching music in schools is a vital part of growing up and the human experience, whilst others believe that teaching music in schools is a waste of time and resources. v. 3
Some people think that music teaching in academy plays an ideal role of becoming mature and getting an abundance of knowledge. However, others argue that it is a misuse of precious time and sources through the learning melody in an institution. This essay will highlight both points of views and express an opinion at the end. On the one hand, the teaching of tunes in the schools can help an individual in the rapid growth and development as well as teach the human behaviours. Firstly, the song brings all people together from all over the world. Hence, the pupil spends most of their time in an academy rather than home. So, it will help to maintain friendship among all pupils in the educational departments. In addition, it develops self -confidence to sing a song in the public places because of consistent practice with the classmates in an institution. Secondly, learning musical skills would be beneficial for them in the future. For instance, the teaching of various kinds of lyrics along with the academic knowledge can save the learners money and make a better singer in the future. On the other hand, furnishing of the music courses is redundant activities due to the requirement of several hours to practice and resources. The cost of extra class is higher in the schools as it needs musical instruments, an educator to teach. In addition, it harms the scholar's learning and do not get enough time for studying because of the singing classes. For instance, if a student has the academic examinations in a classroom next day along with music lesson, she/ he will unable to give full attention on the tests and achieve poor grades. Moreover, every person does not have an equal desire to learn the sound of song and make a career in this field. In conclusion, although the pupils can develop self confidence and learn extra skills along with syllabus, it is just a waste of day for some students who are not captivated to acquire it and harm their study. In my opinion, the academy emphasises more on study rather than the melody of songs because it is not necessary for every scholar.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that music teaching in academy plays an ideal role of becoming mature and getting an abundance of knowledge.
However
, others argue that it is a misuse of precious time and sources through the learning melody in an institution. This essay will highlight both points of views and express an opinion at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.

On the one hand, the teaching of tunes in the schools can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
an individual in the rapid growth and development
as well
as teach the human
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
.
Firstly
, the song brings all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
together from all over the world.
Hence
, the pupil spends most of their time in an academy
rather
than home.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to maintain friendship among all pupils in the educational departments.
In addition
, it develops self -confidence to sing a song in the public places
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of consistent practice with the classmates in an institution.
Secondly
, learning musical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
would be beneficial for them in the future.
For instance
, the teaching of various kinds of lyrics along with the academic knowledge can save the learners money and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a better singer in the future.

On the other hand
, furnishing of the music courses is redundant activities due to the requirement of several hours to practice and resources. The cost of extra
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
is higher in the schools as it needs musical instruments, an educator to teach.
In addition
, it harms the scholar's learning and do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time for studying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the singing classes.
For instance
, if a student has the academic examinations in a classroom
next
day along with music lesson, she/ he
Did you mean "will be unable"?
will unable
to give full attention on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
and achieve poor grades.
Moreover
, every person does not have an equal desire to learn the sound of song and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a career in this field.

In conclusion
, although the pupils can develop
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self confidence
and learn extra
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
along with syllabus, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a waste of day for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
students who are not captivated to acquire it and harm their study. In my opinion, the academy
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "emphases", the plural form of the noun 'emphasis'?
emphasises
more on study
rather
than the melody of songs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is not necessary for every scholar.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
To learn a language is to have one more window from which to look at the world.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Some people believe that teaching music in schools is a vital part of growing up and the human experience, whilst others believe that teaching music in schools is a waste of time and resources. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
364 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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