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many people work for long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or disadvantages? v.1

many people work for long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or disadvantages? v. 1
Working overtime has become a very situation with most of the people these days, thereby leaving no time for any form of recreation. This essay will discuss that, these situations have more disadvantages, as they not only disturb the work life balance, but also has many harmful effects on the health. Often it is observed that, to get a promotion, one has to work for long hours to meet the deadlines, which hampers their personal time and space. Hence, a person cannot plan any recreational activities to rejuvenate, thereby increasing their mental stress. For example, a recent study suggested that there has been a ten percent rise in the stress patterns among the individuals, due to heavy duties at work. Therefore, it is important that we should try to avoid staying back over time for mental wellness. In addition, there are numerous health hazards associated with over working. Moreover, it may often lead to a condition, in which we may suffer physically for the rest of our life. For instance, a medical paper published stated that, back problems like, severe lower back pain is now becoming a very common finding among the younger working generation due to sitting constantly at one place. Consequently, working for long hours may reduce our efficiency in the long run health wise. In conclusion, overworking in the office so as to earn a lavish lifestyle is a very common phenomenon leading to no personal space. This essay discussed that this situation has far more drawbacks like excessive mental stress and can also cause physical illness over a period of time.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Working
overtime has become a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
situation with most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
these days, thereby leaving no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for any form of recreation. This essay will discuss that, these situations have more disadvantages, as they not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
disturb the
It seems that a hyphen is missing.
work life
balance,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
harmful effects on the health.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Often
it
is observed
that, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a promotion, one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
work for long hours to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the deadlines, which hampers their personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and space.
Hence
, a person cannot plan any recreational activities to rejuvenate, thereby increasing their mental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
For example
, a recent study suggested that there has been a ten percent rise in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
patterns among the individuals, due to heavy duties at work.
Therefore
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that we should try to avoid staying back over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for mental wellness.

In addition
, there are numerous health hazards associated with over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
.
Moreover
, it may
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
lead to a condition, in which we may suffer
physically
for the rest of our life.
For instance
, a medical paper published stated that, back problems like, severe lower back pain is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
becoming a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common finding among the younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
generation due to sitting
constantly
at one place.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for long hours may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
our efficiency in the long run health wise.

In conclusion
, overworking in the office
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
earn a lavish lifestyle is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common phenomenon leading to no personal space. This essay discussed that this situation has far more drawbacks like excessive mental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and can
also
cause physical illness over a period of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay many people work for long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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