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In the past, when students did a university degree, the tended to study in their own country. Nowadays, they have more opportunities to study abroad. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development? v.1

In the past, when students did a university degree, the tended to study in their own country. Nowadays, they have more opportunities to study abroad. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development? v. 1
No one can deny the fact that students in the past used to attend local universities to complete their higher education, while the current generation has the opportunity to study abroad. Attending to foreign universities pave the way to match with the global job market, but there are drawbacks to be taken into account. To begin with, the primary benefit of completing tertiary education abroad is that graduates will have a wide array of opportunities across the globe. This is because many international companies prefer to hire graduates from well-known universities regardless of the grades they obtain for each subject. Moreover, since these universities probably have the best lectures, undergraduates will be able to learn the subject matters more accurately. Companies in the information technology industry, for instance, prefer to hire graduates from foreign universities over students who attended local higher educational institutions as they think such students carry a better knowledge in the field. On the other hand, the major problem of attending a foreign university is that many students fail to establish close contacts with the locals due to the language barrier. This means, when students enter universities in different countries, they often tend to feel they are alliance to the community as they are not able to understand the local language. For example, undergraduates in Spain universities are expected to learn Spanish in the first six months of their academic program for their survival in the society. Many students fail to focus on their academic subjects during this period as they will be busy with learning a new language. In conclusion, even though students are not able to blend with the local people when they study in an alien country due to the language barrier, their chance of getting hired by an industry reputed company is higher than the students who complete their tertiary education in a local university.
No one can deny the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in the past
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
to complete their higher education, while the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
generation has the opportunity to study abroad. Attending to foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
pave the way to match with the global job market,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are drawbacks to
be taken
into account.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the primary benefit of completing tertiary education abroad is that graduates will have a wide array of opportunities across the globe. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
international
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
prefer to hire graduates from well-known
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
regardless of the grades they obtain for each subject.
Moreover
, since these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
probably
have the best lectures, undergraduates will be able to learn the subject matters more
accurately
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Companies
in the information technology industry,
for instance
, prefer to hire graduates from foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who attended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
higher educational institutions as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
carry a better knowledge in the field.

On the other hand
, the major problem of attending a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
fail to establish close contacts with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
due to the language barrier. This means, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
enter
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universities
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
tend to feel they are alliance to the community as they are not able to understand the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
language.
For example
, undergraduates in Spain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to learn Spanish in the
first
six months of their academic program for their survival in the society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
fail to focus on their academic subjects during this period as they will be busy with learning a new language.

In conclusion
,
even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are not able to blend with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
when they study in an alien country due to the language barrier, their chance of getting hired by an industry reputed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
is higher than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who complete their tertiary education in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay In the past, when students did a university degree, the tended to study in their own country. Nowadays, they have more opportunities to study abroad. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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