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A common friend is going to the country your friend stays in. Write a letter to that friend to inform him/her about that. v.1

A common friend is going to the country your friend stays in. Write a letter to that friend to inform him/her about that. v. 1
Today, television is used as a primary source of entertainment and information around the world. The main audience for television is children. Some people think that television can have negative effects on children. While others believe television could help children in their future. In this essay, I will discuss both the point of views and give my own opinion. Children usually get addicted to certain shows on television. As a result, they are easily distracted from their studies. Eventually, they tend to spend more time on watching shows, which does not help them in any way. Sometimes, children also watch disturbing content and keep thinking about it. For example, when I was in my high school, I was addicted to watch teenage shows and I was so involved that I used to spend hours to watch those shows. On the other hand, there are a lot of shows that can help children in their academics or to become a better person. There are shows that have a moral story or there are shows which can help children to learn academic concepts. For example, I have a cousin who always used to watch national geographic shows, which would help him learn new concepts or subjects like physics, mathematics etc. As a result, he had more knowledge as compared to his friends. In conclusion, television can have negative effects on children or could help them in future. In my opinion, I feel that children should be guided by their parents or teachers on what type of shows or channels they should watch which can be beneficial for them.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as a primary source of entertainment and information around the world. The main audience for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
others believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in their future. In this essay, I will discuss both the point of views and give my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion.

Children
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
addicted to certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
.
As a result
, they are
easily
distracted from their studies.
Eventually
, they tend to spend more time on watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
, which does not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them in any way.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
disturbing content and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
thinking about it.
For example
, when I was in my high school, I
was addicted
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
teenage
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
shows and
I was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
involved that I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to spend hours to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
that can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in their academics or to become a better person. There are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
that have a moral story or there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
which can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to learn academic concepts.
For example
, I have a cousin who always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
national geographic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
, which would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
him learn new concepts or subjects like physics, mathematics etc.
As a result
, he had more knowledge as compared to his friends.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
or could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
. In my opinion, I feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be guided
by their parents or teachers on what type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
or channels they should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
which can be beneficial for them.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay A common friend is going to the country your friend stays in. Write a letter to that friend to inform him/her about that. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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