Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Many people try to look younger than their age. What are reasons people do this? Do think this is a good thing or bad thing? v.9

Many people try to look younger than their age. What are reasons people do this? Do think this is a good thing or bad thing? v. 9
It is sometimes argued that tourists from foreign countries should pay more than local residents to visit important sites and monuments. While I believe there are several reasons why this might be true, I would argue that foreign and local visitors should be charged equally. To begin with, there are some reasons why visitors from overseas should pay more. First, cultural and historical attractions often depend on state subsidies to keep them going, which means that the local population already pays money to these sites through the tax system. As a result, the locals should be given priority over foreign travellers by charging them less. Second, some people might say that because foreign tourists are the main reason for the building of these attractions, they should pay higher admission fees to these sites. However, I would argue that there should be no discrimination between the fees that foreign tourists and local people have to pay to visit cultural and historical sites. First of all, foreign tourists contribute to the economy of the host country by spending their money on a wide range of goods and services such as food, souvenirs, accommodation and travel. Additionally, if travellers realised that they would have to pay more to visit historical and cultural attractions in a particular nation, they would perhaps decide not to go to that country on holidays. Consequently, the number of tourists would remarkably reduce and a country could risk losing money for the maintenance of these important buildings. In conclusion, while I understand why many people might think overseas tourists should be charged more than local residents, I believe it is better to treat them equally and every effort should be made to attract tourists all over the world.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
argued that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
residents to visit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
sites and monuments. While I believe there are several reasons why this might be true, I would argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
visitors should
be charged
equally
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons why visitors from overseas should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
more.
First
, cultural and historical attractions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
depend on state subsidies to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them going, which means that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
population already
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pays
money to these sites through the tax system.
As a result
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
priority over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
by charging them less. Second,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
might say that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
are the main reason for the building of these attractions, they should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
higher admission fees to these sites.

However
, I would argue that there should be no discrimination between the fees that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
to visit cultural and historical sites.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
contribute to the economy of the host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
by spending their money on a wide range of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and services such as food, souvenirs, accommodation and travel.
Additionally
, if
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
Possible spelling mistake. 'realised' is British English.
realised
that they would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
more to visit historical and cultural attractions in a particular nation, they would perhaps decide not to go to that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
on holidays.
Consequently
, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
would
remarkably
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
losing money for the maintenance of these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
buildings.

In conclusion
, while I understand why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
overseas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
should
be charged
more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
residents, I believe it is better to treat them
equally
and every effort should
be made
to attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
all over the world.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people try to look younger than their age. What are reasons people do this? Do think this is a good thing or bad thing? v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts