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Many people try to look younger than their age. What are the reasons people do this. Do you think this is a good thing or bad thing. v.13

Many people try to look younger than their age. What are the reasons people do this. Do you think this is a good thing or bad thing. v. 13
A number of individuals put their efforts to make a persona that they are younger than their actual age. Occasionally, it's the demand of their job, and sometimes people have this tendency to look young. I opine, its a negative development for their health. A famous person has to continually work on their appearance to be attractive among the audience. If a celebrity look aged, there are a higher percentage of chances that he will lose the charm that he have among his followers, and people start forgetting about him. So, it's a necessity for them to look younger even in their mature age. According to a survey, the Bollywood celebrity Shahrukh Khan is 52 years old, he still manages to look as he is 40 years old. Consequently, he still attracts people of every age towards him. Apart from celebrities, there are certain individuals who have a desire to be always young and they follow the footsteps of famous people. This trend will increase in the future as well. In my opinion, this tendency has more demerits than its merits. People go through numerous surgeries whether it's for their skin, hair transplant or changing their looks through plastic surgery. Firstly, it impacts them financially because all these surgeries require a healthy amount of finance. Secondly, the aftermaths of these operations are vulnerable, in some cases, people have to even lose their lives as well. Lastly, these surgeries are not long lasting and if people do not maintain it efficiently their looks become horrible. For instance, a Ukranian woman after her breast transplantation was travelling from the USA to the Ukraine by an aeroplane, and when the aeroplane has reached to a high altitude, silicon bags in her breasts burst due to high pressure of the atmosphere. Thus, these changes give a momentary happiness, but that does not last for a long time. In conclusion, considering the above discussed points it is evident that people have to look younger if their jobs demand it and others do this for their own desires. I believe, implications to look younger are way higher than its benefits.
A number of individuals put their efforts to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a persona that they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
than their actual age.
Occasionally
, it's the demand of their job, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have this tendency to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
young. I opine,
Did you mean "it's" (="it is") instead of 'its' (possessive pronoun)?
its
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development for their health.

A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
continually
work on their appearance to be attractive among the audience. If a celebrity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
aged, there are a higher percentage of chances that he will lose the charm that he have among his followers, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
forgetting about him.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it's a necessity for them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
even in their mature age. According to a survey, the Bollywood celebrity
Possible spelling mistake found.
Shahrukh
Khan is 52 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, he
still
manages to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
as he is 40 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.
Consequently
, he
still
attracts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of every age towards him. Apart from celebrities, there are certain individuals who have a desire to be always
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
young and
they follow the footsteps of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This trend will increase in the future
as well
.

In my opinion, this tendency has more demerits than its merits.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
go through numerous surgeries whether it's for their skin, hair transplant or changing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
looks
through plastic surgery.
Firstly
, it impacts them
financially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
all these surgeries require a healthy amount of finance.
Secondly
, the aftermaths of these operations are vulnerable, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
even lose their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
as well
.
Lastly
, these surgeries are not
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
long lasting
and if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not maintain it
efficiently
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
looks
become horrible.
For instance
,
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ukranian
woman after her breast transplantation was travelling from the USA to the Ukraine by an
Possible spelling mistake. 'aeroplane' is British English.
aeroplane
, and when the
Possible spelling mistake. 'aeroplane' is British English.
aeroplane
has reached to a high altitude, silicon bags in her breasts burst due to high pressure of the atmosphere.
Thus
, these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
give a momentary happiness,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
that does not last for a long time.

In conclusion
, considering the above discussed points it is evident that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
if their jobs demand it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
do this for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
desires. I believe, implications to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
are way higher than its benefits.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people try to look younger than their age. What are the reasons people do this. Do you think this is a good thing or bad thing. v. 13

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
354 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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