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Many people think that we have to focus on the extinction of certain animal species, while others think that we should pay attention to the problem of human beings. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.3

Many people think that we have to focus on the extinction of certain animal species, while others think that we should pay attention to the problem of human beings. v. 3
After World War Two industry and technology revolution released, competitions between nations increased, but without thinking what impacts it might cause to human. All the world is facing environmental issues, many people think that they have to focus on extinction of certain species, others believe that they should pay attention to the problem of humans. These days people aren’t respecting other creatures, this is leading to extinction. First, the governments need to stop people from killing animals randomly for trading, especially specific creatures; there must be an international law, to follow these traders. Second, there must be organizations to assist and look over certain animals that are facing death danger and extinction. For example, lately in Lebanon, the Ministry of Environment, started organizing the hunting season, publishing awareness campaigns for specific animals; even fining several people that abuse the law. In my opinion, I think that people must follow the rules and think that these species are living creatures like us, we can benefit from not by killing them. On the other hand, the world is facing high levels of pollution, which is affecting on our lives and leading to death, several people believe they must may attention to these problems. First, human beings should protect their environment from global warming, by reducing fuel emission and use alternative resources, like natural gas, solar system to produce energy, to decrease the damage that ruined the ozone layer. Second, the society should have more knowledge about pollution side effects and how danger is it, they must take care over their resources such as water and forests, to have a healthier life. For example, a new study done by German scientist. Showing that plastic in kids blood increased, due to plastic containers and throwing them in the oceans randomly. In my opinion, I believe we must start solving the problem starting from our homes. In conclusion, pollution is killing all living creatures in this world and we are assisting in this crime. Therefore, we must pay attention to animals and ourselves, to survive and have a healthy and clean earth.
After
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
World
War Two industry and technology revolution released, competitions between nations increased,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
without thinking what impacts it might cause to human. All the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is facing environmental issues,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
focus on extinction of certain species, others believe that they should pay attention to the problem of humans.

These days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
aren’t respecting other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creatures
, this is leading to extinction.
First
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from killing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
randomly
for trading,
especially
specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creatures
; there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be an international law, to follow these traders. Second, there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be organizations to assist and look over certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
that are facing death
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
and extinction.
For example
, lately in Lebanon, the Ministry of Environment,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
organizing the hunting season, publishing awareness campaigns for specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
; even fining several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that abuse the law. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
follow the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that these species are living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creatures
like us, we can benefit from not by killing them.

On the other hand
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is facing high levels of pollution, which is affecting on our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and leading to death, several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe they
Two modal verbs connected. Did you mean: "must, may", "must" or "may"?
must may
attention to these problems.
First
, human beings should protect their environment from global warming, by reducing fuel emission and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
alternative resources, like natural gas, solar system to produce energy, to decrease the damage that ruined the ozone layer. Second, the society should have more knowledge about pollution side effects and how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
is it, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take care over their resources such as water and forests, to have a healthier life.
For example
, a new study done by German scientist. Showing that plastic in kids blood increased, due to plastic containers and throwing them in the oceans
randomly
. In my opinion, I believe we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
solving the problem starting from our homes.

In conclusion
, pollution is killing all living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creatures
in this
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
world and
we are assisting in this crime.
Therefore
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
pay attention to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and ourselves, to survive and have a healthy and clean earth.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people think that we have to focus on the extinction of certain animal species, while others think that we should pay attention to the problem of human beings. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
347 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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