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Many people think that the behavior of professional sportsmen/sportswomen on or off the field is not important as long as they are good players. To what extent do you agree or disagree with it? v.1

Many people think that the behavior of professional sportsmen/sportswomen on or off the field is not important as long as they are good players. with it? v. 1
It is often argued that sports peoples' code of behaviour on or off the field is not mandatory as long as they are performing the best. This essay disagrees with the aforementioned statement as the overall attitude of sports personality is important. This essay will first, discuss that athletic people should behave properly as they are viewed as role models and further, outline that since they represent their country so they should behave properly. Several individuals consider sports professionals as their role models and follow their footprints, thus, it is essential for them to set a good example on or off the field for their fans. This is to say, people, including the young generations are fascinated and impressed with the lifestyle and success of sports people, which persuades them to follow their path in order to achieve that fame. As a result, it is very critical for sports people to behave in a professional manner as well as follow the specific code of behaviour for their and to follow them. To elucidate, a recent study conducted by the Times showed that more than 80 percent of people copy the actions of athletics, hence it is essential for them to follow their standard of behaviour. Apart from this the other reason for sports people to monitor their manners is that they represent their own nation. In other words, athletic people play for the name and fame of their own country. Hence, it is very important they they behave professionally on or off the field because any wrong action done by them will defame their own country. Similarly, any style which is morally correct will bring respect to their nation. To exemplify, a recent study by The New York Times showed that the major contribution in making a country proud and famous is the behaviour of sports personalities. To conclude, although, some people believe that the overall attitude of athletic players on or off the field in not important. However, in my opinion, I believe that their actions and manners should be nice as they are not only viewed as idols by their fans but they also represent their nation.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
peoples' code of
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
on or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
off
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
is not mandatory as long as they are performing the best. This essay disagrees with the aforementioned statement as the
overall
attitude of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
personality is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. This essay will
first
, discuss that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behave
properly
as they
are viewed
as role models and
further
, outline that since they represent their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behave
properly
.

Several individuals consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
professionals as their role models and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
their footprints,
thus
, it is essential for them to set a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example on or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
off
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
for their fans. This is to say,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, including the young generations
are fascinated
and impressed with the lifestyle and success of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, which persuades them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
their path in order to achieve that fame.
As a result
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
critical for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behave
Consider replacing "in a professional manner" with the adverb for "professional"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a professional manner
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
the specific code of
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
for their and to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
them. To elucidate, a recent study conducted by the Times
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that more than 80 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
copy the actions of athletics,
hence
it is essential for them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
their standard of
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.

Apart from this the other reason for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to monitor their manners is that they represent their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
nation.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
play for the name and fame of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Hence
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
Possible typo: you repeated a word
they they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behave
professionally
on or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
off
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
any
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
action done by them will defame their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Similarly
, any style which is
morally
correct will bring respect to their nation. To exemplify, a recent study by The New York Times
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that the major contribution in making a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
proud and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
is the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
personalities.

To conclude
, although,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the
overall
attitude of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletic
players on or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
off
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
in not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
However
, in my opinion, I believe that their actions and manners should be nice as they are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
viewed as idols by their fans
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
represent their nation.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people think that the behavior of professional sportsmen/sportswomen on or off the field is not important as long as they are good players. with it? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
359 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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