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Some people think that the most important thing about being rich is it gives a person the opportunity to help other people. Do you agree or disagree? v.13

Some people think that the most important thing about being rich is it gives a person the opportunity to help other people. v. 13
It is believed by some people that the most crucial matter about being wealthy is being able to help the others. This essay will argue that having a lot of money can be a great thing only if it is possessed by helpful people. Moreover, being rich and helpful could benefit not only humans but also humanity in general. In my opinion, while being a fortunate person can do a lot to help the poor, it can also serve the entire country. Although, having a fortune could show the human’s worst ambitions, the chances are quite satisfying that these humans could also give a hand to the poor. Because of the pure nature instilled in each human being, it is easy to believe that. For instance, in Canada billions of pounds are being donated each year by billionaires to give hope to those who don’t have enough money. Therefore, it is easy to think that the most important thing about being financially luxurious is indeed being of help to those who need it. Furthermore, providing financial support is not necessarily feasible only to poor individuals. Because the rich could also Financially boost the economy of their own countries as well as many other aspects. For example, Japan has a regulation stating that individuals who get high salaries should contribute part of their savings monthly to different governmental projects. It is for these reasons, help can step beyond individuals to governments or even entire countries. In conclusion, it is believed by some of us that the most significant thing being wealthy is having a chance to give to others. In fact, support could be given by those who have money to those who unfortunately don’t and also to countries struggling with their own economies. From my perspective, I think each rich person can do a lot to help both financially struggling persons and nations.
It
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that the most crucial matter about being wealthy is being able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the others. This essay will argue that having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money can be a great thing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
if it
is possessed
by helpful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Moreover
, being rich and helpful could benefit not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
humanity
in general
. In my opinion, while being a fortunate person can do a lot to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the poor, it can
also
serve the entire country.

Although, having a fortune could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human’s
worst ambitions, the chances are quite satisfying that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
could
also
give a hand to the poor.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the pure nature instilled in each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
being, it is easy to believe that.
For instance
, in Canada billions of pounds are
being donated
each year by billionaires to give hope to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
don’t have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money.
Therefore
, it is easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing about being
financially
luxurious is
indeed
being of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
need it.

Furthermore
, providing financial support is not
necessarily
feasible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to poor individuals.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
the rich could
also
Financially
boost the economy of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
countries
as well
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other aspects.
For example
, Japan has a regulation stating that individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
high salaries should contribute part of their savings monthly to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
governmental projects. It is for these reasons,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
can step beyond individuals to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
or even entire countries.

In conclusion
, it
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of us that the most significant thing being wealthy is having a chance to give to others. In fact, support could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have money to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
unfortunately don’t and
also
to countries struggling with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
economies. From my perspective, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
each rich person can do a lot to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
both
financially
struggling persons and nations.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people think that the most important thing about being rich is it gives a person the opportunity to help other people. v. 13

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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