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Many people think that students who go to university directly from school benefit less and can contribute less to their courses than those who travel or do jobs before they start their university education. <span id="cke_bm_106E" style="display: none; "> v.2

Many people think that students who go to university directly from school benefit less and can contribute less to their courses than those who travel or do jobs before they start their university education. <span id="cke_bm_106E" style="display: none; "> v. 2
In today’s modern world, many students plan to go to university immediately after they finish school. However, some people assert that it would be more beneficial if they can go on a trip or start on working for a certain period of time before attending university courses. Therefore, it is important for us to establish the positive and negative impacts of this argument before we reach a reasonable conclusion. Undoubtedly, those who wish to widen their view by travelling or working will certainly have more experience and are more knowledgeable than others who go to university after they finish school. When they travel to other countries, they are being exposed to a new environment with different lifestyles, thus they will probably learn the cultures and traditions from the locals. They may be more open-minded and have higher adaptability than others. Besides, working may benefit them by opening up an avenue to allow them to meet a wide variety of new people every day. It is proven that they can, sooner or later, develop an excellent interpersonal skill which plays an indispensable role when they enter a university. By measuring the crucial social skill, they can interact with others more confidently. Nevertheless, there is always another side of a coin. Travelling abroad and working for a part-time job do have detrimental side effects. One of the major drawbacks is they may be graduated from university later than their friends of the same age due to the reason that they need to experience more from travelling and working which require them to spend one or two years, or even more time. According to a recent research conducted in Malaysia, human’s interpretation and learning ability deteriorate as we get older which clearly explains that our learning progress will be slowed down if we start our tertiary education late. As a consequence, they may fail to achieve their aspirations even though they have more life experience than others. In conclusion, I think every student has their own choice in dealing whether to start tertiary education after they finish school or to travel abroad or work for a short period so as to gain more experience before attending university. I believe they can achieve their set goals if they are willing to work hard regardless of experience and age barriers.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s modern world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students plan to go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
immediately after they finish school.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
assert that it would be more beneficial if they can go on a trip or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for a certain period of time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
courses.
Therefore
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for us to establish the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts of this argument
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
we reach a reasonable conclusion.

Undoubtedly
, those who wish to widen their view by travelling or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
will
certainly
have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
and are more knowledgeable than others who go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
after they finish school. When they travel to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries, they are
being exposed
to a new environment with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
lifestyles,
thus
they will
probably
learn the cultures and traditions from the locals. They may be more open-minded and have higher adaptability than others.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
may benefit them by opening up an avenue to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
a wide variety of new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
every day. It
is proven
that they can, sooner or later, develop an excellent interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
which plays an indispensable role when they enter a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. By measuring the crucial social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
, they can interact with others more
confidently
.

Nevertheless
, there is always another side of a coin. Travelling abroad and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for a part-time job do have detrimental side effects. One of the major drawbacks is they may
be graduated
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
later than their friends of the same age due to the reason that they need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
more from travelling and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
which require them to spend one or two years, or even more time. According to a recent research conducted in Malaysia, human’s interpretation and learning ability deteriorate as we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
older which
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explains
that our learning progress will
be slowed
down if we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
our tertiary education late. As a consequence, they may fail to achieve their aspirations
even though
they have more life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
than others.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
every student has their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
choice in dealing whether to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
tertiary education after they finish school or to travel abroad or work for a short period
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
gain more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. I believe they can achieve their set goals if they are willing to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
regardless of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
and age barriers.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people think that students who go to university directly from school benefit less and can contribute less to their courses than those who travel or do jobs before they start their university education. <span id="cke_bm_106E" style="display: none; "> v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
385 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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