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Universities offer opportunities to study many different subjects Do the benefits of studying many different subjects outweigh the drawbacks? v.1

Universities offer opportunities to study many different subjects Do the benefits of studying many different subjects outweigh the drawbacks? v. 1
Some universities require students to choose a variety of subjects and university students should take advantage of this. Despite some obvious disadvantages of this trend, I believe that its pros outweigh its cons. On the one hand, there are two major drawbacks when studying a lot of subjects. To begin with, studying different subjects is time-consuming. Students may suffer stress and tiredness when being up to their ears in projects and assignments. Hence, they easily drop out of college. Furthermore, studying multiple subjects can be distracting. Students may not pay full attention to a certain subject when they have two or more subjects in a row. Therefore, they can fail that subject and take time to study again. On the other hand, studying many different subjects has a lot of benefits. Firstly, students can prepare their future careers better. A teacher does not need to know only about giving a lesson, for instance. She also needs to know how to respond to students' emotional needs. Secondly, students studying a number of different subjects can become more responsible members of society. They need to understand the economic and social issues of their communities so that they can vote responsibly. In addition, they will need to be able to educate their children, no matter what their children's abilities and interests are. Finally, studying many subjects can add a great deal of enjoyment to a student's life. If students understand fashion, they will get a lot of enjoyment from fashion shows and conventions. If they study literature, they will continue to read good books. Life is about more than just a career. If students know plenty of subjects, they will be more competitive than those who do not. In a word, studying many different subjects can be an opportunity to fulfill your dreams. It depends on how you overcome its difficulties and make your future brighter and more promising.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
universities require
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to choose a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
and university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should take advantage of this. Despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
obvious disadvantages of this trend, I believe that its pros outweigh its cons.

On the one hand, there are two major drawbacks when
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studying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
is time-consuming.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
may suffer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and tiredness when being up to their ears in projects and assignments.
Hence
, they
easily
drop out of college.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
multiple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
can be distracting.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
may not pay full attention to a certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
when they have two or more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in a row.
Therefore
, they can fail that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
and take time to study again.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefits.
Firstly
,
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students
can prepare their future careers better. A teacher does not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to know
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
about giving a lesson,
for instance
. She
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to know how to respond to students' emotional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
can become more responsible members of society. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to understand the economic and social issues of their communities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can vote
responsibly
.
In addition
, they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to be able to educate their children, no matter what their children's abilities and interests are.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
a great deal of enjoyment to a student's life. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
understand fashion, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
enjoyment from fashion
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
and conventions. If they study literature, they will continue to read
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
books. Life is about more than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a career. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
know
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, they will be more competitive than those who do not.

In a word,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
can be an opportunity to fulfill your dreams. It depends on how you overcome its difficulties and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
your future brighter and more promising.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Universities offer opportunities to study many different subjects Do the benefits of studying many different subjects outweigh the drawbacks? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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