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Many people think that more money will make them happier. How important is money for happiness? v.2

Many people think that more money will make them happier. How important is money for happiness? v. 2
Earning more and more will render a feeling of pleasure to several individuals. This essay will outline the significance of the property along with other factors to bring happiness, which is a state of mind, and its definition varies from person to person. Undoubtedly, money is one of the methods to live cheerfully. Primarily, people can fulfil their aspirations through cash as they can purchase branded clothes and luxury cars. Even wealth could provide an opportunity to spend life in elegant houses, which is an ambition of every individual, and thus, it makes them ecstatic. Additionally, masses throw, weekend, festivals, and birthday parties through which they gain not only cheerfulness but also the attention of others. In addition to this, such events contribute to their peace of mind. For instance, a man who has everything, such as relationships, health, and children, but if he does not have cash in his pockets, cannot consider himself blissful. On the other hand, there are some other factors which provide gratified life to people. First of all, several individuals feel contentment when they spend quality time with their loved ones, instead spending money on luxurious things. Since they deem that family can support in terrible circumstances, where money can not. Besides this, other than money, success is also considered as the primary component of happiness. To illustrate, although Finland is not one of the wealthiest countries, it is the happiest nation because they find themselves blissful in spending time with their loved ones and focus on success rather than money. To conclude, the most money, the most happiness is an accurate fact, but to some extent, as people can enjoy satisfying lives, while other ingredients, such as families and success, play a vital role in one's bliss out.
Earning more and more will render a feeling of pleasure to several individuals. This essay will outline the significance of the property along with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors to bring happiness, which is a state of mind, and its definition varies from person to person.

Undoubtedly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is one of the methods to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
cheerfully
.
Primarily
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can fulfil their aspirations through cash as they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
branded clothes and luxury cars. Even wealth could provide an opportunity to spend life in elegant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
, which is an ambition of every individual, and
thus
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them ecstatic.
Additionally
, masses throw, weekend, festivals, and birthday parties through which they gain not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
cheerfulness
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the attention of others.
In addition
to this, such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
contribute to their peace of mind.
For instance
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
who has everything, such as relationships, health, and children,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if he does not have cash in his pockets, cannot consider himself blissful.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors which provide gratified life to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, several individuals feel contentment when they spend quality time with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
,
instead
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on luxurious things. Since they deem that family can support in terrible circumstances, where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can not.
Besides
this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, success is
also
considered as the primary component of happiness. To illustrate, although Finland is not one of the wealthiest countries, it is the happiest nation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they find themselves blissful in spending time with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
and focus on success
rather
than money.

To conclude
, the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, the most happiness is an accurate fact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can enjoy satisfying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
ingredients, such as families and success, play a vital role in one's bliss out.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people think that more money will make them happier. How important is money for happiness? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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