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Some people think that uniform in schools are unnecessary and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give your own experience. v.2

Some people think that uniform in schools are unnecessary and should be banned. Give your own experience. v. 2
At present, uniform is very important in the life of humans. Systematic makes the discipline in every place. Such as schools, college and much more. Certain individuals reckon that uniform in schools are unnecessary and also should be banned. However, I totally disagree with the given hook. I will discuss the certain reasons and add my own opinion in the upcoming paragraphs. To start with, those people who claim that rigid should be banded in schools. Firstly, some peace clothes of school are very expensive. For example, some students are from poor families. They are not able to wear it with proudly, as well as always, get punishment from school teachers. Therefore, they believe that if homogeneous will be banned in schools, they can able to wear any uniform. Secondly, it is a state of mind. Rich people do not like to carry the dress. Because, they have lots of states in society. On the flip side, I deem that, reliable is very necessary in all over the world. Likewise, homogeneous stay away from the conflicts between rich and poor people. Last not but least, it helps to define the people. For instance, if individuals want to visit crowd places during the life. In these people, there are higher chances of visiting by the offenders. The frock helps to search the people. To sum up, even though some people opine that orderly is not a considerable and ought to be banned, yet it is very important wearing the frock of the people. I judge that every person should allow wear homogeneous in schools and workplaces.
At present, uniform is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in the life of humans. Systematic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the discipline in every place. Such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, college and much more. Certain individuals reckon that uniform in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are unnecessary and
also
should
be banned
.
However
, I
totally
disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
hook. I will discuss the certain reasons and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion in the upcoming paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who claim that rigid should
be banded
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
peace clothes of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
expensive.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
students are from poor families. They are not able to wear it with
proudly
,
as well
as always,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
punishment from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
teachers.
Therefore
, they believe that if homogeneous will
be banned
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, they
Please check whether one of these words is redundant.
can able to
wear any uniform.
Secondly
, it is a state of mind. Rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not like to carry the dress.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
, they have lots of states in society.

On the flip side, I deem that, reliable is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
necessary in all over the world.
Likewise
, homogeneous stay away from the conflicts between rich and poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Last not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
least, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to define the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
, if individuals want to visit crowd places during the life. In these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, there are higher chances of visiting by the offenders. The frock
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to search the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To sum up,
even though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opine that orderly is not a considerable and ought to
be banned
,
yet
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
wearing the frock of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. I judge that every person should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
wear homogeneous in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and workplaces.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that uniform in schools are unnecessary and should be banned. Give your own experience. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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