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Many people think that it is better to get advice from old rather than young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Many people think that it is better to get advice from old rather than young people. v. 1
It is natural for us human beings to seek advices from others whenever we are required to sort out our issues. There are some who believe older people can guide you better than our contemporary youth. I believe it depends on the issue we facing, only then we can decide on whom to rely upon. Wisdom comes with an age, it is widely accepted that older people are wiser than young ones. Because they have already gone through a lot, they have learnt from their past mistakes and now they are better equipped to face difficult challenges than any other. So it is in our best interest that we should seek guidance from them it will only ameliorate our lives. We must use their experience and learn from them, they can provide us pragmatic solutions to our problems. In this modern intricate environment, we cannot neglect our youth as well, in this era of technology and development, it is possible that the elderly may not familiar with everything, and modern problems required modern solutions. So if the matter at hand, require us to seek someone who is more familiar with modern culture than we can turn to young ones. They may not be experts in handling social crises, but they can be expert in their respective fields. I believe it doesn’t matter from whom you are seeking guidance, the thing that matters, is that a person should be your well-wisher, only then one can tell you what’s best for you. Best friends are mostly relied upon while seeking council, and that can belong to any age group.
It is natural for us human beings to seek advices from others whenever we
are required
to sort out our issues. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
who believe older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can guide you better than our contemporary youth. I believe it depends on the issue
Did you mean "we're facing", "we are facing", or "we were facing"?
we facing
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
then we can decide on whom to rely upon.

Wisdom
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with an age, it is
widely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
that older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are wiser than young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they have already gone through a lot, they have
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
from their past mistakes and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
they are better equipped to face difficult challenges than any other.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it is in our best interest that we should seek guidance from them it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
ameliorate our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their experience and learn from them, they can provide us pragmatic solutions to our problems.

In this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
intricate environment, we cannot neglect our youth
as well
, in this era of technology and development, it is possible that the elderly may not familiar with everything, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
problems required
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
solutions.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
if the matter at hand, require us to seek someone who is more familiar with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
culture than we can turn to young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
. They may not be experts in handling social crises,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they can be expert in their respective fields.

I believe it doesn’t matter from whom you are seeking guidance, the thing that matters, is that a person should be your well-wisher,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
then one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
you what’s best for you.
A determiner is probably missing here: "the Best".
Best
friends are
mostly
relied upon while seeking council, and that can belong to any age group.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people think that it is better to get advice from old rather than young people. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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