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In today's world, the pressures of modern life are negatively impacting family life. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

In today's world, the pressures of modern life are negatively impacting family life. v. 2
I am ready to venture and pursue a speculative hypothesis beyond any limits typically imposed by a culture of safe, well established or academically sanctioned debates. At the same time, just as crucially, it is conceived as subject to the strictest, most demanding standards of formal assessment, with respect to basic requirements of logical rigour and conceptual precision. This controversial Apprehension is valid. I will provide an interesting character to exemplify the essential elements to justify my claim. From my perspective, within the last few decades the world has drastically changed. Consequently, we are in a materialistic society with more digital, business, and marketing strategies. This is manifested in numerous ways within broad spectrum areas. Each individual competes to achieve numerous tasks like, to acquire a huge house, a Luxorious Vehicle, high level education for their kids. For that they are running rat races for the purpose of acquiring money, wealth, power, and fame. So people should work overload with modern technical equipment. They have been given deadlines. These human activities in the modern world, which really impact on their family life. They do not have enough time to spend more time with their family members. Nevertheless, it will ruin our mutual understanding, relationships, love and affection of the family. These all cause are negatively impacting human physical and mental disorders. So most of the people are suffering from blood pressure, diabetics, depression and anxiety. So, under certain circumstances, it is plausible to evaluate today's world the pressures of modern life negatively impacting family life, that may never facilitate as a sophisticated and reliable remedy to foster the prosperity of society by catering paradoxical repercussions.
I am ready to venture and pursue a speculative hypothesis beyond any limits
typically
imposed by a culture of safe, well established or
academically
sanctioned debates. At the same time,
just
as
crucially
, it
is conceived
as subject to the strictest, most demanding standards of formal assessment, with respect to basic requirements of logical
rigour
and conceptual precision. This controversial Apprehension is valid. I will provide an interesting character to exemplify the essential elements to justify my claim.

From my perspective, within the last few decades the world has
drastically
changed
.
Consequently
, we are in a materialistic society with more digital, business, and marketing strategies. This
is manifested
in numerous ways within broad spectrum areas. Each individual competes to achieve numerous tasks like, to acquire a huge
house
, a
Luxorious
Vehicle, high level education for their kids. For that they are running rat races for the purpose of acquiring money, wealth, power, and fame.
So
people
should work overload with modern technical equipment. They have been
given
deadlines. These human activities in the modern world, which
really
impact on their
family
life. They do not have
enough
time to spend more time with their
family
members.
Nevertheless
, it will ruin our mutual understanding, relationships,
love
and affection of the
family
. These all cause are
negatively
impacting human physical and mental disorders.
So
most of the
people
are suffering from blood pressure, diabetics, depression and anxiety.

So
, under certain circumstances, it is plausible to evaluate
today
's world the pressures of modern life
negatively
impacting
family
life, that may never facilitate as a sophisticated and reliable remedy to foster the prosperity of society by catering paradoxical repercussions.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In today's world, the pressures of modern life are negatively impacting family life. v. 2

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
275 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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