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Some people believe that smartphones are destroying social interaction today. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people believe that smartphones are destroying social interaction today. v. 1
In recent years, it is undeniable that the rapid development of science and technology have given rise to a myriad of problems. Many suggest that modern phones, which are a branch of science and technology, have significantly reduced the community activities. I am inclined to agree with this assertion and, moreover, this is a worrying trend that looks set to continue. To begin with, social media eliminates the need for a face-to-face interaction. According to recent study conducted by the Common Sense Media, half of the youngsters possess an online media account. This trend not only increases their screen time, but also immensely limits their comfort zone into chatting online. As the youngsters socialize in public, they become overwhelmed and self-conscious, since it was always the norm to type of screens and keyboards. Admittedly, media platforms enable swift communication of news and urgent messages; yet the negatives dominate and overshadow the beauties, given there are alternatives to rapid messaging such as phone calls. Furthermore, the surge in internet speeds is an indirect culprit of the issue. The establishment of 5G networks is a flawless illustration. Conceivably, this technological advancement would contribute to the plethora of pull factors into the social networking platforms. Compared to the time taken for social interaction to take place, it seems clear to the millennials that online interactions are the way to go. Their impact would be much greater than destroy social interaction, ruining the social life for everyone. In consideration of the increasing figures of both individuals on social media and the flourishing network, this is certainly a thorny issue that we will face in the future. Despite online communication platforms being at an all-time high, in terms of quantity, the quality of these conversations is questionable. I firmly restate my stance that smartphones are stripping the millennials of the true social life. It is hoped that their relationships in the future will not crumble due to the lack of genuine interaction, albeit this may already be too ambitious of a wish.
In recent years, it is undeniable that the rapid development of science and technology have
given
rise to a myriad of problems.
Many
suggest that modern phones, which are a branch of science and technology, have
significantly
reduced
the community activities. I
am inclined
to
agree
with this assertion and,
moreover
, this is a worrying trend that looks set to continue.

To
begin
with,
social
media
eliminates the need for a face-to-face
interaction
. According to recent study conducted by the Common Sense
Media
, half of the youngsters possess an
online
media
account. This trend not
only
increases their screen time,
but
also
immensely
limits their comfort zone into chatting
online
. As the youngsters socialize in public, they become overwhelmed and self-conscious, since it was always the norm to type of screens and keyboards.
Admittedly
,
media
platforms enable swift communication of news and urgent messages;
yet
the negatives dominate and overshadow the beauties,
given
there are alternatives to rapid messaging such as phone calls.

Furthermore
, the surge in internet speeds is an indirect culprit of the issue. The establishment of 5G networks is a flawless illustration.
Conceivably
, this technological advancement would contribute to the plethora of pull factors into the
social
networking platforms. Compared to the time taken for
social
interaction
to take place, it seems
clear
to the millennials that
online
interactions
are the way to go. Their impact would be much greater than
destroy
social
interaction
, ruining the
social
life for everyone. In consideration of the increasing figures of both individuals on
social
media
and the flourishing network, this is
certainly
a thorny issue that we will face in the future.

Despite
online
communication platforms being at an all-time high, in terms of quantity, the quality of these conversations is questionable. I
firmly
restate my stance that smartphones are stripping the millennials of the true
social
life. It
is hoped
that their relationships in the future will not crumble due to the lack of genuine
interaction
, albeit this may already be too ambitious of a wish.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that smartphones are destroying social interaction today. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
337 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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