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do you agree or disagree? the bosses have to pay their employees to get a university degree. v.98

the bosses have to pay their employees to get a university degree. v. 98
The question is whether employers should support and pay employees to pursue a university degree or not. Everyone with regard to his private view point can maintain a specific direction toward this issue. Some believe that continuing university can waste of time and money and workers should focus on practical experiences while others have a conviction that if companies attempt to spend money on their laborers for receiving academic studies, both of them will be able to gain benefits in long-term. I am unanimous with the latter group, so the next paragraphs will vastly elucidate my vantage point through three salient reasons: To begin with, nobody could overlook that technology has changed the world and also it has kept marching forward. The firms are looking for the new strategies to compete with their rivals and increase their productivity. It goes without saying that all of these require the workers acquire an acceptable knowledge and wide horizon from their job. One should not forget that the best place for achieving this goal is university. On one hand, workers will be able to broaden their knowledge base and employ the new concepts in their work; on the other one, they can study in different fields with their job. In such a circumstance, employees can create new approaches to improve the quality of the companies' products through interdisciplinary studies. For example, a cookie company' s worker can study in software engineering, and then he can write some codes for packing cookies quickly by related machines. In addition, one of the main tasks of bosses is that they have to assist their employees to lift their spirit. Spontaneously, work places are tedious and stressful, so searching for ways which would change or at least mitigate these conditions is vital. During study in university, workers can challenge their abilities and experience new things. Based on a done research in a well-know institution, we know that setting in new situations will cause our brain secrete more Endorphin- a neural messenger which is responsible for happiness and concentration-. A person with much endorphin in his brain will never experience anxiety and numb feeling; consequently, this man will make a few errors compared with the past in his work place and the company does not need to spend much money for its members' mistakes. Moreover, one should notice that today' s workers usually have to choose just working to remove their financial problems in real life and unfortunately, they do not have enough money for studying. When an organization provides such a great condition for them, workers start relying on their leaders and a close and friendly relationship will overcome in the company. To sum up, this conclusion could be drawn that financial supporting for study can have constructive consequences in companies such as having expert and joyful workers, increasing profits and reducing errors.
The question is whether employers should support and pay employees to pursue a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
degree or not. Everyone with regard to his private view point can maintain a specific direction toward this issue.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe that continuing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
can waste of time and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
should focus on practical experiences while others have a conviction that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
attempt to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on their laborers for receiving academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
, both of them will be able to gain benefits in long-term. I am unanimous with the latter group,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
next
paragraphs will
vastly
elucidate my vantage point through three salient reasons:

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, nobody could overlook that technology has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the world and
also
it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
marching forward. The firms are looking for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
strategies to compete with their rivals and increase their productivity. It goes without saying that all of these require the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
acquire an acceptable knowledge and wide horizon from their job. One should not forget that the best place for achieving this goal is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. On one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
will be able to broaden their knowledge base and employ the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
concepts in their work; on the other one, they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
fields with their job. In such a circumstance, employees can create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
approaches to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the quality of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
companies&
#039; products through interdisciplinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
.
For example
, a cookie
Possible spelling mistake found.
company&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in software engineering, and then he can write
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
codes for packing cookies
quickly
by related machines.

In addition
, one of the main tasks of bosses is that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
assist their employees to lift their spirit.
Spontaneously
, work places are tedious and stressful,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
searching for ways which would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
or at least mitigate these conditions is vital. During
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
can challenge their abilities and experience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things. Based on a done research in a well-know institution, we know that setting in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
situations will cause our brain secrete more Endorphin- a neural messenger which is responsible for happiness and concentration-. A person with much endorphin in his brain will never experience anxiety and numb feeling;
consequently
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a few errors compared with the past in his work place and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
does not need to spend much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for its
Possible spelling mistake found.
members&
#039; mistakes.

Moreover
, one should notice that
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
usually
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
choose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
working to remove their financial problems in real life and unfortunately, they do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for studying. When an organization provides such a great condition for them,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
relying on their leaders and a close and friendly relationship will overcome in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

To sum up, this conclusion could
be drawn
that financial supporting for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
can have constructive consequences in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
such as having expert and joyful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
, increasing profits and reducing errors.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay the bosses have to pay their employees to get a university degree. v. 98

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
476 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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