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Many people these days choose to work abroad after graduation. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages. v.1

Many people these days choose to work abroad after graduation. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages. v. 1
Equality between genders is a sought attribute in every aspect of life in the modern world. Dwelling in this debate can be seen in universities across the world and the need for universities to equally allot the same numbers of chairs for both genders in concern of subjects. This essay will discuss why the writer is in total disagreement with this proposition. Firstly, this suggestion would conflict with the natural flow of students into college and would cripple the academic process, as it would resolve in incompetent students taking seats of the most keen and excellent to continue. For instance, students who have great marks, whether they are male or female will need to find other majors that they don't like just because schools are equally distributing seats for each gender rather than giving it to the ones who deserve them. That is why it is important not to take this approach which could result in many passionate students from losing their passion. Also, calling for accepting student based on the equal processing would result in many hindrances in the future after finishing college or university, either in dropping out of college or finding another job with another major than the major he or she studied simply because it was the one they could find. For example, a student who wasn't keen about applying for a science major have higher chances of either dropping out or not continuing afterwards. That is why it's important we give a choice for every student not based on gender, but based on their choice of major and condition fulfilment. In conclusion, it is necessary to admit equal rights and the need for both genders have proper education, yet it is unfair to enforce such effort to obliterate the educational process over such proposition because it will either cripple the academic process or take away the chairs which some student deserved.
Equality between genders is a sought attribute in every aspect of life in the modern world. Dwelling in this debate can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in universities across the world and the need for universities to
equally
allot the same numbers of chairs for both genders in concern of subjects. This essay will discuss why the writer is in total disagreement with this proposition.

Firstly
, this suggestion would conflict with the natural flow of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
into college and would cripple the academic process, as it would resolve in incompetent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
taking seats of the most keen and excellent to continue.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who have great marks, whether they are male or female will need to find other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
majors
that they don't like
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
schools are
equally
distributing seats for each gender
rather
than giving it to the ones who deserve them.
That is
why it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
not to take this approach which could result in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
passionate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from losing their passion.

Also
, calling for accepting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
based on the equal processing would result in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hindrances in the future after finishing college or university, either in dropping out of college or finding another job with another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
he or she studied
simply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it was the one they could find.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
who wasn't keen about applying for a science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
have higher chances of either dropping out or not continuing afterwards.
That is
why it's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
we give a choice for every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
not based on gender,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
based on their choice of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
and condition
Possible spelling mistake. 'fulfilment' is British English.
fulfilment
.

In conclusion
, it is necessary to admit equal rights and the need for both genders have proper education,
yet
it is unfair to enforce such effort to obliterate the educational process over such proposition
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will either cripple the academic process or take away the chairs which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
deserved.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people these days choose to work abroad after graduation. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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