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In some part of the world it is becoming popular to research the history of one's own family. Why might people want to do this? Is it a negative or positive development? v.3

In some part of the world it is becoming popular to research the history of one's own family. Why might people want to do this? Is it a negative or positive development? v. 3
In current society, various parents spend the huge majority of their time by working, thus they cannot sit with their children. Those who prefer care through childcare centres due to various reasons. Firstly, they have those who responsibility about the child in particular. They have other children and will improve with them because they are connected to an environment of the same age. They will learn more from each other. In addition, there are tools for playing and after finishing them, they will teach to put them in their designated places. In this behaviour, the child learns to arrange. On the contrary, working parents think that their family members like grandparents are the best for their children. This is often a trust issue, as parents believe that their child will be in a safer situation with their family and they will treat them well. In addition, some families don’t have money to pay for the care centre, so they prefer to stay with their family members like grandparents. Grandparents will be keen on the child as they have been keen on raising their children before. To conclude, although there are various options for childcare. I believe childcare centres are an effective option since they will prepare them to deal with strangers for the coming years, such as school. Staff will understand the children’s requirements according to what they have studied in their Specialty and concerned with encouraging them to grow their ideas and demonstrate their creativity.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
society, various parents spend the huge majority of their time by working,
thus
they cannot sit with their children.

Those who prefer care through childcare
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
due to various reasons.
Firstly
, they have those who responsibility about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
in particular
. They have other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
with them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
are connected
to an environment of the same age. They will learn more from each other.
In addition
, there are tools for playing and after finishing them, they will teach to put them in their designated places. In this
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
learns to arrange.

On the contrary
, working parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members like grandparents are the best for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
a trust issue, as parents believe that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
will be in a safer situation with their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
family and
they will treat them well.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
don’t have money to pay for the care
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they prefer to stay with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members like grandparents. Grandparents will be keen on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
as they have been keen on raising their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.

To conclude
, although there are various options for childcare. I believe childcare
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
are an effective option since they will prepare them to deal with strangers for the coming years, such as school. Staff will understand the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
requirements according to what they have studied in their Specialty and concerned with encouraging them to grow their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and demonstrate their creativity.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay In some part of the world it is becoming popular to research the history of one's own family. Why might people want to do this? Is it a negative or positive development? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
246 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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