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Many people strive to maintain a successful career and happy family life at the same time What problems can this situation create What are the possible solutions Give reasons for your answer and give any relevant example or experience you have to support v.1

Many people strive to maintain a successful career and happy family life at the same time What problems can this situation create What are the possible solutions 1
Donating money to the poor is a humanitarian activity that has drawn the public ‘s attention in recent years. While many donors provide money and other support directly to the needy, others choose national aid organizations. In this essays, I will discuss both sides of this issue before my own opinion is stated. On the one hand, there are two major reasons as to why many people give financial support or other non-monetary contributions to charities. Firstly, these organizations may make donor’s names known more widely because they often invite reporters and journalists to write about their campaigns. Accordingly, donors’ names would be mentioned in TV channels or online newspapers, which is beneficial for their personal development. Secondly, members of charities are often trained to make a donation. As a result, they would be better at holding community events than a single person who might lack the experience to be a skilled fund-raiser. On the other hand, others decide to donate directly because not every charity group is believable. Many national charitable organizations made use of donators’ kindness to pocket their money and even noncash items such as books, clothes, furniture, etc. Their donations, therefore, might not reach victims of outbreaks or natural disasters. Thus, to ensure that the needy receive money fully, many individuals choose to make a direct donation, instead of giving funds to aid groups. In conclusion, in my opinion, national charitable organizations are still well worth a bridge for the whole society to help disadvantaged people due to the above reasons.
Donating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to the poor is a humanitarian activity that has drawn the public ‘s attention in recent years. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
donors provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
support
directly
to the needy, others choose national aid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
. In
Did you mean "these"?
this
essays, I will discuss both sides of this issue
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion
is stated
.

On the one hand, there are two major reasons as to why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
give financial support or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
non-monetary contributions to charities.
Firstly
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
donor’s names known more
widely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
invite reporters and journalists to write about their campaigns.
Accordingly
, donors’ names would
be mentioned
in TV channels or online newspapers, which is beneficial for their personal development.
Secondly
, members of charities are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
trained to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a donation.
As a result
, they would be better at holding community
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
than a single person who might lack the experience to be a skilled fund-raiser.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, others decide to donate
directly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
not every charity group is believable.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
national charitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
made
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
donators
’ kindness to pocket their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and even
Possible spelling mistake found.
noncash
items such as books, clothes, furniture, etc. Their donations,
therefore
, might not reach victims of outbreaks or natural disasters.
Thus
, to ensure that the needy
Did you mean the noun "reception" (= the act of receiving) or "receipt" (= invoice)?
receive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
fully
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals choose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a direct donation,
instead
of giving funds to aid groups.

In conclusion
, in my opinion, national charitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
are
still
well worth a bridge for the whole society to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
disadvantaged
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
due to the above reasons.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Many people strive to maintain a successful career and happy family life at the same time What problems can this situation create What are the possible solutions 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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