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Many people strive to maintain a successful career and happy family life at the same time. What problems can this situation create? What are the possible solutions? v.4

Many people strive to maintain a successful career and happy family life at the same time. What problems can this situation create? What are the possible solutions? v. 4
Several individuals are endeavouring hard to maintain a balance between work and family life. This essay will first suggest that the biggest problem caused by this is the increase in stress level of people and further outline, adequate hiring and proper delegation of work by the employer as the most viable solution. Employees struggle hard to give equal importance to both office and family life, thus suffer from immense pressure, anxiety and mental issues. In other words, people get completely exhausted both physically and mentally which leads to the breakdown of family and career. To elucidate, a recent study conducted by The National Institute Of Neurology found that more than 80 percent of people are suffering from some form of depression and over 60 percent of them mentioned balancing work-life as the main reason. A possible solution of the aforementioned problem is that employers must hire workforce depending on the work size and should ensure that there is a proper delegation of work. This is to say, employing an adequate number of employees will assure equitable distribution of duties and responsibilities among them. As a result, they will not only be able to complete the projects within the deadline, but will also be able to fulfil their family needs. To exemplify, one of my friends who regularly complained about the stress in managing job and personal life, was prescribed anti-depressants for the same, showed significant improvement when new hiring initiated and work load reduced To conclude, individuals are facing a rise in stress levels because of balancing and giving equal priority to both career and loved ones. However, the problem can be tackled with the necessary steps taken by the employer by hiring sufficient employees and lowering the work load with proper delegation of work.
Several individuals are
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavouring' is British English.
endeavouring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to maintain a balance between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
life. This essay will
first
suggest that the biggest problem caused by this is the increase in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
level of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and
further
outline, adequate hiring and proper delegation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
by the employer as the most viable solution.

Employees struggle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to give equal importance to both office and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
life,
thus
suffer from immense pressure, anxiety and mental issues.
In other words
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
completely exhausted both
physically
and mentally which leads to the breakdown of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and career. To elucidate, a recent study conducted by The National Institute Of Neurology found that more than 80 percent of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are suffering from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
form of depression and over 60 percent of them mentioned balancing work-life as the main reason.

A possible solution of the aforementioned problem is that employers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
hire workforce depending on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
size and should ensure that there is a proper delegation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. This is to say, employing an adequate number of employees will assure equitable distribution of duties and responsibilities among them.
As a result
, they will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be able to complete the projects within the deadline,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
will
also
be able to fulfil their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
needs. To exemplify, one of my friends who
regularly
complained about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
in managing job and personal life,
was prescribed
anti-depressants for the same,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
significant improvement when new hiring initiated and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
load
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
reduced


To conclude
, individuals are facing a rise in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
levels
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of balancing and giving equal priority to both career and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones.
However
, the problem can
be tackled
with the necessary steps taken by the employer by hiring sufficient employees and lowering the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
load with proper delegation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people strive to maintain a successful career and happy family life at the same time. What problems can this situation create? What are the possible solutions? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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