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Many people strive to maintain a successful career and happy family life at the same time. What problems can this situation cause? What are the possible solutions? v.8

Many people strive to maintain a successful career and happy family life at the same time. What problems can this situation cause? What are the possible solutions? v. 8
In this competitive era, for a prosperous walk of life, it is significant for individuals to simultaneously balance between work and personal matters. However, under such circumstances, one can face difficulties and can have a detrimental effect on health. This essay will discuss the complications related to such scenarios and possible ways to resolve them. To begin with, an affluent individual has a demanding lifestyle as their business and household affairs requires sustainability, but it also poses serious risks to a person’s health. Primarily, one’s mental state of mind becomes disturbed and makes it difficult to focus properly on business affairs or other life issues. Furthermore, if such a situation dwells in future also, then most likely one can develop a chronic disease which distorts their mental and physical well being. For instance, a survey was conducted by America scientists about how stress influences a person’s health and found that it is the prime cause of hair loss among young men and women. Albeit of the problem, there are also certain ways to curb such a condition. Firstly, it is vital for the close family members understand and respect the concerned individual’s privacy. By doing so that person could spend time on their own terms and feel relaxed. Secondly, one can also take a break from the workplace stay on a vacation, which can also help the person to stay happy and healthy. For example, it was published in the American Mental Journal that when a person is happy, serotonin hormone is released in the body which lowers the stress levels and promotes good health. To conclude, it is crucial for hardworking people to be concerned about mental wellness as then only, one can conquer more glorious achievements.
In this competitive era, for a prosperous walk of life, it is significant for individuals to
simultaneously
balance between work and personal matters.
However
, under such circumstances, one can face difficulties and can have a detrimental effect on health. This essay will discuss the complications related to such scenarios and possible ways to resolve them.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, an affluent individual has a demanding lifestyle as their business and household affairs requires sustainability,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
poses serious
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person’s
health.
Primarily
, one’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
state of mind becomes disturbed and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it difficult to focus
properly
on business affairs or other life issues.
Furthermore
, if such a situation dwells in future
also
, then most likely one can develop a chronic disease which distorts their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
and physical
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
.
For instance
, a survey
was conducted
by America scientists about how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
influences a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person’s
health and found that it is the prime cause of hair loss among young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women.

Albeit of the problem, there are
also
certain ways to curb such a condition.
Firstly
, it is vital for the close family members understand and respect the concerned individual’s privacy. By doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
could spend time on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
terms and feel relaxed.
Secondly
, one can
also
take a break from the workplace stay on a vacation, which can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
to stay happy and healthy.
For example
, it
was published
in the American
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Mental
Journal that when a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
is happy, serotonin hormone
is released
in the body which lowers the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
levels and promotes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health.

To conclude
, it is crucial for hardworking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
be concerned
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
wellness as then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
, one can conquer more glorious achievements.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
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Amy Chua

IELTS essay Many people strive to maintain a successful career and happy family life at the same time. What problems can this situation cause? What are the possible solutions? v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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