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Many people say that film stars, musicians and sports stars are highly paid whereas professionals of other important sectors are comparatively less paid. v.3

Many people say that film stars, musicians and sports stars are highly paid whereas professionals of other important sectors are comparatively less paid. v. 3
Many entertainers' and sportspersons' payment scales have become a matter of controversy in these days. Though some people justify high pay scale of them, I feel that this is kind of unfair. One obvious reason to support my view is that the entertainers and sportspersons do not deserve a great deal of remuneration than many other important professions that contributing to national development.    To be more precise, entertainers and other popular artists may not be doing any extra valuable things to society and country in terms of developments. At this juncture, they deserve only a certain level of payment, which definitely less than other valuable professions. Moreover, these highly paid sportsmen and entertainers do not assure to perform well in further assignments. The professions which contribute to society and nation must be paid a handsome amount of salary and other perks than the entertainment professionals. There is an opinion that the employment such as medical professions and scientists are to be paid more than any other profession. In other words, the professional are really contributing to society as well as nations development, regardless of gender and social status. Doctors and Nurses look after the health services of the country, scientist work for new inventions and discoveries, which enhance the nation's developments at the same time. However, an army of people argues that the entertainers and sportsmen are celebrities. So, they deserve good payment. Perhaps it may true, but we cannot deny that the valuable professions deserve more remuneration than entertainers. Taking everything into consideration, I feel that the high payment scale category must be replaced as medical professional and scientists, who are the real heroes of the nation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
entertainers' and
Possible spelling mistake found.
sportspersons
'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payment
scales have become a matter of controversy in these days. Though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
justify high pay scale of them, I feel that this is kind of unfair.

One obvious reason to support my view is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
sportspersons
do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
deserve
a great deal of remuneration than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professions
that contributing to national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
  
To be more precise,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
popular artists may not be doing any extra valuable things to society and country in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developments
. At this juncture, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
deserve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a certain level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payment
, which definitely less than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professions
.
Moreover
, these
highly
paid sportsmen and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
do not assure to perform well in
further
assignments. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professions
which contribute to society and nation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be paid
a handsome amount of salary and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
perks than the entertainment professionals.

There is an opinion that the employment such as medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professions
and scientists are to
be paid
more than any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profession
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, the professional are
really
contributing to society
as well
as nations
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
, regardless of gender and social status. Doctors and Nurses look after the health services of the country, scientist work for new inventions and discoveries, which enhance the nation's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developments
at the same time.

However
, an army of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argues that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
and sportsmen are celebrities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
deserve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payment
. Perhaps it may true,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we cannot deny that the valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professions
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
deserve
more remuneration than entertainers.

Taking everything into consideration, I feel that the high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payment
scale category
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be replaced
as medical professional and scientists, who are the real heroes of the nation.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people say that film stars, musicians and sports stars are highly paid whereas professionals of other important sectors are comparatively less paid. v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
279 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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