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Many people say that film stars, musicians and sports stars are highly paid whereas professionals of other important sectors are comparatively less paid. v.2

Many people say that film stars, musicians and sports stars are highly paid whereas professionals of other important sectors are comparatively less paid. v. 2
The entertainment industry has grown rapidly over the years. The artists are getting paid much more than anybody else. I strongly agree that they are getting higher wages in comparison to other sectors which deserves to be highly paid. This essay discusses the outrageous gap between performers and other professions and opinion about other jobs which should be well paid. To begin with, entertainers’ income does not reflect in their work. For instance, sports stars such as cricketers are getting a vast amount of money for playing the game besides their performance. However, the people who are spending their money in cricket for business purpose obviously are not hand over very well. So it is clear that salaries of performers do not match the job they perform at all. Secondly, artists' income can easily be distinguished from other professionals. Such as, the Hollywood superstar, Angelina Julie, can easily make one million dollars by participating in a single movie. In contrary, this number can never be achieved by workers of other industries. Apart from these entertainers, there are other sectors that deserve to be paid higher for their services. For example, teachers are in charge of education and moral character of next generation but considered underpaid. The other most important and foremost professional is a doctor who saves lives and gives hope to people by serving day and night should be paid off equal to the meaningful contributions they make. In summary, entertainers do not offer anything greater than other workers. It is recommended that people who work hard should be rewarded appropriately so that the gap between stipends of different jobs should not be too significant.
The entertainment industry has grown
rapidly
over the years. The artists are getting
paid
much more than anybody else. I
strongly
agree
that they are getting higher wages
in comparison
to
other
sectors which deserves to be
highly
paid
. This essay discusses the outrageous gap between performers and
other
professions and opinion about
other
jobs which should be well paid.

To
begin
with, entertainers’ income does not reflect in their work.
For instance
, sports stars such as cricketers are getting a vast amount of money for playing the game
besides
their performance.
However
, the
people
who are spending their money in cricket for business purpose
obviously
are not hand over
very
well.
So
it is
clear
that salaries of performers do not match the job they perform at all.

Secondly
, artists' income can
easily
be distinguished
from
other
professionals. Such as, the Hollywood superstar, Angelina Julie, can
easily
make
one million dollars by participating in a single movie. In contrary, this number can never
be achieved
by workers of
other
industries. Apart from these entertainers, there are
other
sectors that deserve to be
paid
higher for their services.
For example
, teachers are in charge of education and moral character of
next
generation
but
considered underpaid. The
other
most
important
and foremost professional is a doctor who saves
lives
and gives hope to
people
by serving day and night should be
paid
off equal to the meaningful contributions they
make
.

In summary, entertainers do not offer anything greater than
other
workers. It
is recommended
that
people
who work
hard
should
be rewarded
appropriately
so
that the gap between stipends of
different
jobs should not be too significant.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people say that film stars, musicians and sports stars are highly paid whereas professionals of other important sectors are comparatively less paid. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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