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Many people prefer to watch foreign films rather than locally films. Why could this be? Should government give more financial support to local industries? v.4

Many people prefer to watch foreign films rather than locally films. Why could this be? Should government give more financial support to local industries? v. 4
It is true that foreign films are becoming more popular than local films in many countries. There are several reasons why this could be and I think government should promote local film by supporting the industry. To begin with, there are some reasons why foreign films are more liked than domestic films. Firstly, film producers use a numerous of great actors and actresses for their movies. For example, The Rock and Vin Diesel are famous actors in Hollywood who participated in “ Fast and Furious 7”, which events made the movies become more appealing to spectators in the world and this movies earned more than one billion dollars after launching within 17 days. In addition, International film makers have a huge amount of money to produce their films. Those money is used for preparing thrilling movie content story, films shooting, special effects and just to name of few, which help movies get a higher quality. Therefore, international films are welcomed by people in many countries. I believe government should help local film industry by supporting finance by some actions. First of all, a simple action would be to give a scholarship to director, actors, actresses in oder to boost their skills by learning in a best Academy of Theatre and Cinema School in the world. Another action would be for government to develop studio placement so that local film industry can excess the movie with advanced technology. Hollywood is one example for a best studio placement, which help movies more realistic. Conclusion, the domestic film industry will improve their quality movies if government promotes them by giving financial support.
It is true that foreign films are becoming more popular than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
films in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries. There are several reasons why this could be and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
film by supporting the industry.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons why foreign films are more liked than domestic films.
Firstly
, film producers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
The phrase 'a numerous of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'a' and 'of'.
a numerous of
great actors and actresses for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
.
For example
, The Rock and Vin Diesel are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
actors in Hollywood who participated in
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
“
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Fast
and Furious 7”, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
made the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
become more appealing to spectators in the world and
Did you mean "these"?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
earned more than one billion dollars after launching within 17 days.
In addition
, International film makers have a huge amount of money to produce their films.
Did you mean "this money" or "Those moneys", "Those monies"?
Those money
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for preparing thrilling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
content story, films shooting, special effects and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to name of few, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a higher quality.
Therefore
, international films
are welcomed
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries.

I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
film industry by supporting finance by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
actions.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, a simple action would be to give a scholarship to director, actors, actresses in
Possible spelling mistake found.
oder
to boost their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
by learning in
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
best Academy of
Possible spelling mistake. 'Theatre' is British English.
Theatre
and Cinema School in the world. Another action would be for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to develop studio placement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
film industry can excess the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
with advanced technology. Hollywood is one example for
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
best studio placement, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
more realistic.

Conclusion, the domestic film industry will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
promotes them by giving financial support.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people prefer to watch foreign films rather than locally films. Why could this be? Should government give more financial support to local industries? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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