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Many people prefer to stay in the same type of work all their life, whereas others prefer tochange the type of work. Discuss both sides and state your own opinion. v.1

Many people prefer to stay in the same type of work all their life, whereas others prefer tochange the type of work. v. 1
With the proliferation of social media websites and mobile applications, the uses use of the internet among youngsters redundant to socialise with friends is gradually increasing which has numerous detrimental impacts on them. I believe that to cope with this situation the government should take several measures and a parent should devote attention to their children. Not only should the government make people aware about the disastrous consequences of the extreme uses of social media in daily routine but also ratify some policies to control its daily accessibility. For instance, an immensely popular mobile video game PUBG has recently restricted increased online playing time to 4 hours, which reduced the average screen time of youngsters to a large extent. Thus, if people will have limited time to use social media such as Facebook, Instagram in a day than it would will compel them to assign more attention to important tasks. Moreover, different campaigns should be run by the government to make people aware about the negatives of extreme uses of social media that force people to think twice before its use. Furthermore, parents should devote decent attention to their children internet’s browsing time. A recent report by the BBC has revealed that about forty percent of young children who have no parent’s parental supervision spend most of their leisure time on surfing the social media portals. This not only effect affects their academic performances, but also causes of several health diseases such as weak eyesight. A little attention from a parent on children’s internet accessibility could save them from all of these detrimental effects which again lead to a better formation of their future. In conclusion, in order to mitigate social media addiction among youngsters both the government and parents should come forward, otherwise, the society will pay a heavy economic and social price.
With the proliferation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
websites and mobile applications, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uses
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
use
of the internet among youngsters redundant to
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialise' is British English.
socialise
with friends is
gradually
increasing which has numerous detrimental impacts on them. I believe that to cope with this situation the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should take several measures and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
should devote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
to their children.

Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
should the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
aware about the disastrous consequences of the extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uses
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
in daily routine
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
ratify
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
policies to control its daily accessibility.
For instance
, an
immensely
popular mobile video game PUBG has recently restricted increased online playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to 4 hours, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the average screen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of youngsters to a large extent.
Thus
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will have limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
such as Facebook, Instagram in a day than it
Two modal verbs connected. Did you mean: "would, will", "would" or "will"?
would will
compel them to assign more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
tasks.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
campaigns should
be run
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
aware about the negatives of extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uses
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
that force
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
twice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should devote decent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
to their children internet’s browsing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. A recent report by the BBC has revealed that about forty percent of young children who have no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent’s
parental supervision spend most of their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on surfing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
portals. This not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Did you mean "affect"?
effect
affects their academic performances,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
causes of several health diseases such as weak eyesight. A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
on children’s internet accessibility could save them from all of these detrimental effects which again lead to a better formation of their future.

In conclusion
, in order to mitigate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
addiction among youngsters both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
forward,
otherwise
, the society will pay a heavy economic and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
price.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people prefer to stay in the same type of work all their life, whereas others prefer tochange the type of work. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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