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Many people prefer to spend money and not save it. What are the reasons? Is this a positive or negative development? v.4

Many people prefer to spend money and not save it. What are the reasons? Is this a positive or negative development? v. 4
Many countries of the world are currently experiencing problems caused by rapidly growing populations in urban areas, and both governments and individuals have a duty to find ways to overcome these problems. Overpopulation can lead to overcrowding and poor quality housing in many large cities. Poorly heated or damp housing could cause significant health problems, resulting in illness, such as bronchitis or pneumonia. Another serious consequence of overcrowding is a rising crime rate as poor living conditions may lead young people in particular to take desperate measures and turn to crime or drugs. In terms of solutions, I believe the government should be largely responsible. Firstly, it is vital that the state provides essential housing and health care for all its citizens. Secondly, setting up community projects to help foster a more community spirit and help keep young people off the street is a good idea. For example, youth clubs or evening classes for teenagers would keep them occupied. Finally, more effective policing of inner city areas would also be beneficial. Naturally, individuals should also try to address these problems. One way is to put pressure on the government to ensure they tackle the problems by, for instance, forming action groups to lobby the government and request intervention and adequate funding. They could also form Neighbourhood Watch areas to try and help reduce the high levels of crime. Therefore, it is clear that the problems caused by overpopulation in urban areas are very serious. Yet if governments and individuals share a collective responsibility, then it may well become possible to offer some solutions.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
countries of the world are
currently
experiencing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
caused by
rapidly
growing populations in urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, and both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
and individuals have a duty to find ways to overcome these problems.

Overpopulation can lead to overcrowding and poor quality housing in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
large cities.
Poorly
heated or damp housing could cause significant health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, resulting in illness, such as bronchitis or pneumonia. Another serious consequence of overcrowding is a rising crime rate as poor living conditions may lead young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in particular
to take desperate measures and turn to crime or drugs.

In terms of solutions, I believe the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should be
largely
responsible.
Firstly
, it is vital that the state provides essential housing and health care for all its citizens.
Secondly
, setting up community projects to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
foster a more community spirit and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
off the street is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.
For example
, youth clubs or evening classes for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them occupied.
Finally
, more effective policing of inner city
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
would
also
be beneficial.

Naturally
, individuals should
also
try to address these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. One way is to put pressure on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to ensure they tackle the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
by,
for instance
, forming action groups to lobby the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and request intervention and adequate funding. They could
also
form
Possible spelling mistake. 'Neighbourhood' is British English.
Neighbourhood
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
to
"Try and" is common in colloquial speech, but "try to" is recommended for writing.
try and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the high levels of crime.

Therefore
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
caused by overpopulation in urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
serious.
Yet
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
and individuals share a collective responsibility, then it may well become possible to offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people prefer to spend money and not save it. What are the reasons? Is this a positive or negative development? v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
263 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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