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Many people now undertake extreme activities, from hang-gliding to mountain climbing. Why do people risk their lives in this way, and do you think this is a good trend? v.5

Many people now undertake extreme activities, from hang-gliding to mountain climbing. Why do people risk their lives in this way, and do you think this is a good trend? v. 5
Nowadays, there is a tendency among youth to practice extremely risky activities such as skyscraper climbing and jumping from helicopter by parachutes. I believe that this trend has proven to be beneficial but only for certain people. This essay will argue that a super empowering sense of achievement is the reason why many individuals chose to take part in these activities. Climbing a mountain not an easily achieved aim. This goal needs several months or maybe years of practice to build not only the required physical fitness but also the high level of confidence and mental stability. When a climber eventually reach the tip of the mountain only after all of these long years of practice, he or she feels an overwhelming sense of relief and contentment. For example, a professional mountain climber in an interview with the BBC explained that this type of sport derive an unprecedented sensation of fulfillment especially after reaching the tip of the mountain. In my point of view, I think that these kinds of extreme sports are a great way of rushing adrenaline into the blood which many youngsters need to feel these days after following a sedentary lifestyle. Nevertheless, it cannot be feasible for everyone to play these sports. For instance, those who are suffering from heart malfunctioning or blood pressure disturbance must not be involved in such activities. In addition, the elderly should not jeopardize their lives solely to attempt these risky actions. In conclusion, several people enjoy taking part in extreme sports as it derives them a strong feeling of achievement. However, these types are only suitable for optimally fitted individuals who do not suffer from any ailments.
Nowadays, there is a tendency among youth to practice
extremely
risky activities such as skyscraper climbing and jumping from helicopter by parachutes. I believe that this trend has proven to be beneficial
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
for certain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. This essay will argue that a super empowering sense of achievement is the reason why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals chose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in these activities.

Climbing a mountain not an
easily
achieved aim. This goal needs several months or maybe years of practice to build not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
the required physical fitness
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the high level of confidence and mental stability. When a climber
eventually
reach the tip of the mountain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
after all
of these long years of practice, he or she feels an overwhelming sense of relief and contentment.
For example
, a professional mountain climber in an interview with the BBC
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
that this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
derive an unprecedented sensation of fulfillment
especially
after reaching the tip of the mountain.

In my point of view, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that these kinds of extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are a great way of rushing adrenaline into the blood which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youngsters need to feel these days after following a sedentary lifestyle.
Nevertheless
, it cannot be feasible for everyone to play these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
For instance
, those who are suffering from heart malfunctioning or blood pressure disturbance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not
be involved
in such activities.
In addition
, the elderly should not jeopardize their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
solely
to attempt these risky actions.

In conclusion
, several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
enjoy taking part in extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
as it derives them a strong feeling of achievement.
However
, these types are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
suitable for
optimally
fitted individuals who do not suffer from any ailments.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS essay Many people now undertake extreme activities, from hang-gliding to mountain climbing. Why do people risk their lives in this way, and do you think this is a good trend? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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