Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Many people now undertake extreme activities, from hang-gliding to mountain climbing. Why do people risk their lives in this way? Do you think this is a good trend? v.4

Many people now undertake extreme activities, from hang-gliding to mountain climbing. Why do people risk their lives in this way? Do you think this is a good trend? v. 4
Extreme activities are most popular among most people such as high speed cars and bike racing and water sports. Despite many risks associated with these games, many people love them because of their adventure and risk loving attitude, to feel the sense of achievement and to attain the celebrity's status. Personally, I think that pleasure overcomes the danger, especially if it is accessed or controlled. To embark upon, one of the main reasons is an abundant amount of monetary income and astonishes fame. This is to say that these games allow people to become the global celebrities which in turn leads to the adrenaline rush among the sports of professionals to participate in unsafe sporting activities. For example, the racing drivers are the people who undergo such a high risk condition; however, they are willing to do it repeatedly due to the rewards they received through it. In my humble opinion, these games are effective and productive with appropriate tools. By this I mean, lots of accessories are available to protect players from dangerous situations. For example, in ice hockey, manufacturers are creating strong helmets against hard hits and they are testing these products under the laboratory condition, moreover, they used extremely hard material like fibre- plastic as a contributor. Another easiest and suggested approach is awareness among the people. In other words, reading books and blogs of people who succeeded and failed while trying them will help people to create lists what and what not to do. In conclusion, many people like to participate in life threatening activities for various reasons like money, fame et cetera. However, one should be circumspect about the danger of such activities and better fellow safety, guidance and train well in advance before practicing them. Check the Essay
Extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are most popular among most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
such as high speed cars and bike racing and water sports. Despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
associated with these games,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their adventure and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
loving attitude, to feel the sense of achievement and to attain the celebrity's status.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that pleasure overcomes the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
,
especially
if it
is accessed
or controlled.

To embark upon, one of the main reasons is an abundant amount of monetary income and astonishes fame. This is to say that these games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to become the global celebrities which in turn leads to the adrenaline rush among the sports of professionals to participate in unsafe sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
For example
, the racing drivers are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who undergo such a high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
condition;
however
, they are willing to do it
repeatedly
due to the rewards they received through it.

In my humble opinion, these games are effective and productive with appropriate tools. By this I mean, lots of accessories are available to protect players from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
situations.
For example
, in ice hockey, manufacturers are creating strong helmets against
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
hits and
they are testing these products under the laboratory condition,
moreover
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
extremely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
material like
Possible spelling mistake. 'fibre' is British English.
fibre
- plastic as a contributor. Another easiest and suggested approach is awareness among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
In other words
, reading books and blogs of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who succeeded and failed while trying them will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to create lists what and what not to do.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to participate in life threatening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
for various reasons like money, fame
Possible spelling mistake found.
et cetera
.
However
, one should be circumspect about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and better fellow safety, guidance and train well in advance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
practicing them.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Check
the Essay
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay Many people now undertake extreme activities, from hang-gliding to mountain climbing. Why do people risk their lives in this way? Do you think this is a good trend? v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
293 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts