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Many people like to wear fashionable clothes. Why do you think this is the case? v.2

Many people like to wear fashionable clothes. Why do you think this is the case? v. 2
Fashion has become a recent trend in the modern world, hence most of the people prefer to dress-up with the latest outfit. This is due to the easy accessibility to shopping through E-Commerce and Intensive advertisements made to attract the public. In my view, this is a positive trend since dressing up modernly changes a person's personality and makes them feel confident. Firstly, there has been various reformed in commerce Industry which has made purchasing easy for the public. Online shopping is one of the reforms where most people find it more convenient to purchase all their clothes including accessories. With the recent data from Zara, it was found that the majority of the public find a variety of options along with great discounts online, this analysis as a factor for people to be trendy. On the other hand, In order to cope-up with the ongoing competition with many large companies have invested huge amount of money In advertisement to attract most of the consumer by offering them discounts which In turn benefits a customer to offer them more fashionable goods and a reason to be modern, From the report of H&M It was noted the amount of sales during discount season Is high when compared to normal one. To conclude, with the easy access to buy and a greater number of attractions with great discounts has led many people to buy a wide variety of clothes which has resulted in the public to be more trendy, this is a positive development considering that most adults look different and confident in society.
Fashion has become a recent trend in the modern world,
hence
most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to dress-up with the latest outfit. This is due to the easy accessibility to shopping through E-Commerce and Intensive advertisements made to attract the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
. In my view, this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend since dressing up
modernly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
a person's personality and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them feel confident.

Firstly
, there has been various reformed in commerce Industry which has made purchasing easy for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
. Online shopping is one of the reforms where most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find it more convenient to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
all their clothes including accessories. With the recent data from Zara, it
was found
that the majority of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
find a variety of options along with great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discounts
online, this analysis as a factor for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be trendy.

On the other hand
, In order to cope-up with the ongoing competition with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
large
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
have invested huge amount of money In advertisement to attract most of the consumer by offering them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discounts
which In turn benefits a customer to offer them more fashionable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and a reason to be modern, From the report of H&M It
was noted
the amount of sales during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discount
season Is high when compared to normal one.

To conclude
, with the easy access to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
and a greater number of attractions with great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discounts
has led
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a wide variety of clothes which has resulted in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
to be more trendy, this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development considering that most adults look
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
and confident in society.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay Many people like to wear fashionable clothes. Why do you think this is the case? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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