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Successful sports professionals can earn a lot of more money than people in other important professions. Some people think that this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion. v.1

Successful sports professionals can earn a lot of more money than people in other important professions. Some people think that this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. v. 1
Nowadays, in the professional sports games a lot of sportsmen earn a huge salary or get expensive gifts from sponsors. However, while some people believe that paying a huge money to athletes is increase government authority and present country power in the world, I strongly agree with those who think these money need spend poor people and increase salary teachers, doctors. On the one hand, it could argue that paying huge fees to sportsmen who present country in the Olympic games have been motivated them to achieve a highest result in the competition time. First and foremost, these results show real power of country the world level and some people think is enemy starting afraid of them, so will not attack them in the future. Without these sport competitions, we would not be able show them our power. Furthermore, some also argued that athletes spend a lot of time and power to prepare these games such as Olympic or the World championship. Thus, government and sponsors have to compensate them their efforts. However, I side with those who think that paying a huge salary to the sportsmen does not make any sense as government has concentrated more for improving to social status of poor people. Unfortunately, in the world a large amount of people who need to be aided in buy food or clothes and number of these people grow every day. In fact, government give expensive gifts or money to the Olympic sportsmen which spends this money to luxury life. Furthermore, government has to spend this money to the social sectors such as increase salary of teachers and doctors. These professions give more benefit to our society than athletes in the Olympic game. Without these people working whole their live, we will not be able to treat illness or educate children in the schools and universities. To conclusion, although sportsmen present our country in the famous sports games, government need to concentrate more to social sectors and support poor people. Therefore, on balance, I believe support people who educate us or treat illness more important than sportsmen.
Nowadays, in the professional sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
sportsmen earn a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
expensive gifts from sponsors.
However
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that paying a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to athletes is increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
authority and present
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
teachers, doctors.

On the one hand, it could argue that paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
huge
fees to sportsmen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
present
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in the Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have
been motivated
them to achieve
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
highest result in the competition time.
First
and foremost, these results
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
level and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
is enemy starting afraid of them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
will not attack them in the future. Without these sport competitions, we would not be able
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
them our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
also
argued that athletes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
to prepare these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
such as Olympic or the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
World
championship.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and sponsors
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
compensate them their efforts.

However
, I side with those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that paying a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
to the sportsmen does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
any sense as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has concentrated more for improving to social status of poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Unfortunately, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
a large amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
need to
be aided
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
food or clothes and number of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
grow every day. In fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
give expensive gifts or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to the Olympic sportsmen which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spends
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to luxury life.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to the social sectors such as increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
of teachers and doctors. These professions give more benefit to our society than athletes in the Olympic game. Without these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
working whole their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
, we will not be able to treat illness or educate children in the schools and universities.

To conclusion, although sportsmen present our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
need to concentrate more to social sectors and support poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Therefore
, on balance, I believe support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
educate us or treat illness more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than sportsmen.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
53Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Successful sports professionals can earn a lot of more money than people in other important professions. Some people think that this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
348 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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