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Many people keep dogs and cats as companions. Discuss the advantages and disadvantage of pet ownership for the animals involved and for the community as a whole v.2

Many people keep dogs and cats as companions. Discuss the advantages and disadvantage of pet ownership for the animals involved and for the community as a whole v. 2
Animal is a god creatures. As the most people know that keep animal is recommended. The kind human will do that because save the animal as a pet is our obligation as a human being. Now days, there are many cat communities in our country. They make the communities to share about their pet. They share about how to keep the pet and other. They always gather and usually they bring their pet. Keep the pet is not easy. The people must know what the animal or pet can eat or not is important to know because sometimes if the people give wrong food their pet will be sick. Actually protect of the pet is not just about the advantages. Because of hobby so, many people want to waste their time, their energy, their money to protect them. If the people talk about that, it is so difficult because some of people willing to do it, to get their satisfaction. However, some people protect them to get another advantage. For example they protect the pet and sometimes if the pet utter they sell it to another pet lover. For most people, keep the pet can make them happier and sometimes they can reduce their bored. After going home from work they can play around with their pet. Now it is easy to find a pet shop and every pet shop has different facility. The people usually can bring their pet to the pet shop to get a special treatment care. Like many kind of grooming. And every pet shop usually has a doctor. And now not only that facility but also they can entrust their pet if want to leave it for certain reason. If the people cannot keep their pet because of they want to go somewhere, just take the pet to the pet shop and they will keep the pet well. It is known that dog is a loyal animal. And sometimes if they really care about their pet, their pet will also love the owner. And now there are many cute clothes. The people can buy the clothes to their pet. And many pet contests too. If the pet win the contest, many people will buy it with the highest price. Over all, animal give many advantages for the owner. If they talk about hobby it will be difficult because if the people like something too much, they never think about money and time. They will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Animal
is a god creatures.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
know that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
is recommended
. The kind human will do that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
save the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
as a pet is our obligation as a human being.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
days, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cat communities in our country. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the communities to share about their pet. They share about how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
the pet and other.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
They
always gather and
usually
they bring their pet.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Keep
the pet is not easy. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
know what the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
or pet can eat or not is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to know
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sometimes
if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
food their pet will be sick.

Actually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protect
of the pet is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
about the advantages.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of hobby
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to waste their time, their energy, their money to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protect
them. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
talk about that, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
difficult
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
willing to do it, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their satisfaction.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protect
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
another advantage. For
The comma is probably missing here: "example, they".
example they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protect
the pet and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sometimes
if the pet utter they sell it to another pet lover.

For most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
the pet can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them happier and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sometimes
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their bored.
“After” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
After
going home from work they can play around with their pet.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
it is easy to find a pet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
and every pet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
facility. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
usually
can bring their pet to the pet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a special treatment care. Like
Possible agreement error. The noun kind seems to be countable; consider using: "many kinds".
many kind
of grooming. And every pet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
usually
has a doctor. And
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
that facility
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they can entrust their pet if want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
it for certain reason. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
their pet
Probable usage error. Use "because they" instead.
because of they
want to go somewhere,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
take the pet to the pet
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
shop and
they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
the pet well.

It
is known
that dog is a loyal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
. And
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sometimes
if they
really
care about their pet, their pet will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
the owner. And
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cute clothes. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the clothes to their pet. And
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
pet contests too. If the pet win the contest,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
it with the highest price.

Over all,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages for the owner. If they talk about hobby it will be difficult
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like something too much, they never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about money and time. They
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
will
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
38Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Many people keep dogs and cats as companions. Discuss the advantages and disadvantage of pet ownership for the animals involved and for the community as a whole v. 2

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
408 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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