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Many people join distance-learning programmes (study material, post, TV, Internet) and study at home, but some people think that it cannot bring the same benefit as attending colleges or universities does. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Many people join distance-learning programmes (study material, post, TV, Internet) and study at home, but some people think that it cannot bring the same benefit as attending colleges or universities does. v. 2
In some countries working long hours is regarded the norm. Economic success resulting from long industry hours comes at a price for families, people’s health and may contribute to higher unemployment. In my opinion the long term consequences are too grave to ignore and an effort must be made to reduce long working hours. The most serious effect of working overtime constantly is putting employee’s health at risk and causing illness, early retirement or even premature deaths. When working long hours it is more difficult to maintain a healthy lifestyle, like finding time to exercise and relax. An unhealthy lifestyle increases the risk of heart disease, diabetes and stress related illnesses. Being chronically overworked can also cause psychological problems, like burnout, depressions or even suicides. All these health problems can cause high immaterial and material cost to company. Another problem is the workforce’s limited time for social contacts and families. Long production hours do not make a very family friendly environment. People may find it hard to raise children and industry. In particular, women may have to decide against working or having children. Because of long trial hours, some employees will not find the time for a relationship or family at all and remain single. Consequently, birthrates are likely to fall, which can for example be observed in Japan. A low birthrate might leave a culture with an aging population and results in many hard to solve problems. Lastly, companies that require longer struggle hours will employ less people in total. It is obvious, that if people would only perform regular hours more people would be employed instead of some people being overworked and unable to find other struggle. The community has picked up the bill for most of the cost of unemployment and the consequences of people working too much. In conclusion, I believe that the advantages of long production hours exist only short-term. The negative effects are a burden to culture. It would be beneficial if governments and companies understand the long-term cost and limit long industry hours to short-term overflow industry.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
is regarded
the norm. Economic success resulting from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
at a price for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
health and may contribute to higher unemployment. In my opinion the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
term consequences are too grave to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
and an effort
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be made
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours.

The most serious effect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
overtime
constantly
is putting employee’s health at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
and causing illness, early retirement or even premature deaths. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
it is more difficult to maintain a healthy lifestyle, like finding time to exercise and relax. An unhealthy lifestyle increases the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of heart disease, diabetes and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
related illnesses. Being
chronically
overworked can
also
cause psychological problems, like burnout, depressions or even suicides. All these health problems can cause high immaterial and material cost to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

Another problem is the workforce’s limited time for social contacts and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Long
production
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
friendly environment.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
may find it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to raise children and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
.
In particular
, women may
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
decide against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
or having children.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
trial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
employees will not find the time for a relationship or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
at all and remain single.
Consequently
, birthrates are likely to fall, which can
for example
be observed
in Japan. A low birthrate might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
a culture with an aging population and results in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to solve problems.

Lastly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
that require longer struggle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
will employ
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun people is countable.
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in total. It is obvious, that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
perform regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
be employed
instead
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
being overworked
and unable to find other struggle. The community has picked up the bill for most of the cost of unemployment and the consequences of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
too much.

In conclusion
, I believe that the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
production
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
exist
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
short-term. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects are a burden to culture. It would be beneficial if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
understand the long-term cost and limit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
to short-term overflow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Many people join distance-learning programmes (study material, post, TV, Internet) and study at home, but some people think that it cannot bring the same benefit as attending colleges or universities does. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
344 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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