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Many people join distance-learning programmes (study material, post, TV, Internet) and study at home, but some people think that it cannot bring the same benefit as attending colleges or universities does. Do you agree or disagree? v.4

Many people join distance-learning programmes (study material, post, TV, Internet) and study at home, but some people think that it cannot bring the same benefit as attending colleges or universities does. v. 4
Distance learning, a modern phenomenon, has become widely popular especially after the invention of the internet. In the pre-internet era, it was confined to posts, TV and could attract a nominal number of leaners. Despite a boom in home-based learning trend, it is not as much beneficial as attending a formal educational institute, as far as I am concerned. To begin with, a university does not aim to teach only some textbook lessons to its pupils. Rather it focuses on creating an enlightened generation through a favourable environment where students learn to interact with each other, discover the diversity of cultures, and learn to face challenges. Some video scripts and printed documents cannot teach them how to use those in the practical world. For instance, someone who learns a skill online finds it difficult to implement it in the real world. Thus their poor performance in professional life is imminent. Moreover, instructors have extensive experience in dealing with students from different backgrounds and modify their lessons according to the capacity of the students. This is completely absent in the distance learning method and thus the single-package-fits-all model is less productive. Taking an online course to learn to play the guitar could be a classic example. A recent study by the University of Sussex reveals that nine out of ten online guitar learners fail to master it due to the lack of motivation and this is where the formal education comes in - motivating students. Taking distance learning courses for learning a programming language, or how to cook a cuisine can be useful for many. But this can never be the alternatives to education we receive from the colleges or universities. To conclude, we attend colleges or higher educational institutes to learn about life, to bring out the best in us and become enlightened citizens, not to memorise lessons and pass exams. While distance learning can be an added bonus to our already enlightened mind, it can never be the same as studying at a college or university.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Distance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
, a modern phenomenon, has become
widely
popular
especially
after the invention of the internet. In the
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-internet
era, it
was confined
to posts, TV and could attract a nominal number of
Possible spelling mistake found.
leaners
. Despite a boom in home-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
trend, it is not as much beneficial as attending a formal educational institute, as far as I
am concerned
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, a university does not aim to teach
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
textbook lessons to its pupils.
Rather
it focuses on creating an enlightened generation through a
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
environment where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
to interact with each other, discover the diversity of cultures, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
to face challenges.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
video scripts and printed documents cannot teach them how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
those in the practical world.
For instance
, someone who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learns
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
online finds it difficult to implement it in the real world.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
their poor performance in professional life is imminent.

Moreover
, instructors have extensive experience in dealing with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
backgrounds and modify their lessons according to the capacity of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. This is completely absent in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
distance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
method and
thus
the single-package-fits-all model is less productive. Taking an online course to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
to play the guitar could be a classic example. A recent study by the University of Sussex reveals that nine out of ten online guitar learners fail to master it due to the lack of motivation and this is where the formal education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
in
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
motivating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. Taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
distance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
courses for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
a programming language, or how to cook a cuisine can be useful for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
this can never be the alternatives to education we receive from the colleges or universities.

To conclude
, we attend colleges or higher educational institutes to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
about life, to bring out the best in us and become enlightened citizens, not to
Possible spelling mistake. 'memorise' is British English.
memorise
lessons and pass exams. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
distance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
can be an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
bonus to our already enlightened mind, it can never be the same as studying at a college or university.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people join distance-learning programmes (study material, post, TV, Internet) and study at home, but some people think that it cannot bring the same benefit as attending colleges or universities does. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
337 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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